IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

“Some people say that in all levels of education too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?”

#“some #people #levels #education #time #facts #skills
Some individuals express that in all levels of
education
Add a comma
education,
show examples
time
 is spent too much on memorizing facts and there is not
ehough
Correct your spelling
enough
time
 on learning practical
skills
.
This
 essay completely
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
 statement because
students
 who
attent
Correct your spelling
attend
 university
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 several years
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 a licence and
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 months of practice in the field
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
gave
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 no experience and confidence to these new graduates. The vast majority of
students
 who attend university usually spend four to six years to
finally
 get a licence to
work
.
Firstly
,
students
 are asked to pass several academic subjects
withing
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
this
 period of
time
, and some of these academic topics are not related to their degree.
Secondly
, if they do not sustain ninety
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 on their written test, they might repeat the whole year, so
this
 educational system
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
show examples
 too much on
theorical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 learning
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and forget about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
practical
skills
. Another aspect is that many of these
students
 lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
practical
skills
, so they might not feel
confidence
Replace the word
confident
show examples
 with their knowledge.
To begin
 with, these
students
 might believe they are not ready to
work
 because they feel they
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough
skills
 to practice. Another thing is that many of these escolars feel afraid to
work
 because they have no idea how to apply their
theorical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 knowledge in the field.
For instance
, in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
States
Add a comma
States,
show examples
 the vast majority of nurses have no practical
skills
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working with patients at
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
, and many of them decide to quit
theur
Correct your spelling
their
 jobs.
To conclude
, many citizens believe that
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all levels of education, the educational system
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
show examples
 too many years
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning facts and
lose
Correct subject-verb agreement
loses
show examples
 a lot of
time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 learning practical
skills
, so many
students
 felt unsure about their practical
skills
 and some of them
decide
Wrong verb form
decided
show examples
 not to
work
 because they feel afraid of working.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on varying sentence structure to enhance readability and maintain the reader's engagement.
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Task Achievement
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General
Pay attention to typographical and grammatical errors, as these can detract from the clarity of your argument. Consider proofreading your essay before finalizing it.
Task Achievement
Your essay clearly presents an opinion, supporting the argument throughout.
Coherence and Cohesion
You effectively used paragraphs to separate your ideas, aiding in the essay's overall organization.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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