Write about the following topic: Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others belleve it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

The two views have their own benefits and shortcomings.
It is clear that
we all have the same amount of
time
in a day, and the
time
amount that
one
decided
Wrong verb form
decides
show examples
to devote
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
a specific topic could
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
determine how professional they would become.
As a consequence
, if you invest all the
time
into
one
category, there is no doubt you will exceed most of the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, but it
also
means that you can only
experts
Add a missing verb
be experts
show examples
in the
one
and only topic.
While
on the other perspective,
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
we allocate our
time
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
subjects
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
less chance
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
show examples
elites
Fix the agreement mistake
elite
show examples
in any category, yet you can obtain
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
from each
criteria
Change to a singular noun
criterion
show examples
. In my personal opinion, I would prefer the latter, and here are some
further
explanations below.
First,
I agree it is totally worth it to contribute all
one
’s
time
to master
one
technique when you are certain that
this
is the
one
and only subject you would choose throughout your life.
However
, speaking in general,
this
is not most of the case
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. Take
myself
Change the pronoun
me
show examples
as an example, I majored in marketing,
while
Correct word choice
and
show examples
I want to attend a different major for my
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
. The main reason, it is not competitive enough if you only understand
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one
field. Nowadays, most jobs require
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
from more than
one
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
. Even if you aren’t professional in any
subjects
, obtaining more than
one
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
of
knowhow
Correct your spelling
know-how
show examples
could create boundaries for your own that others couldn’t cross and
therefore
, create competitiveness among peers. The word“slash life” is a lifestyle
refers
Correct pronoun usage
that refers
show examples
to
one
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
several jobs
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the same
time
,
in other words
, they earn incomes from
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
places, and likely from some similar but
also
different
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. The concept of having identities in
career wide
Add a hyphen
career-wide
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
could explain
that
Correct word choice
why
show examples
people are expecting diversified professional skills for adapting to the world. To quickly sum up, It is fine if you spread your professions into different categories, but it is extremely crucial to integrate them for you to
standout
Correct your spelling
stand out
show examples
from others.
Submitted by lil40629890 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
To enhance your essay, consider incorporating a more robust introduction and conclusion. These sections will frame your argument and provide a clear summary of your position, respectively, contributing significantly to the effectiveness of your discussion.
Linking & Logical Flow
For better coherence and cohesion, try to enhance the linking of ideas both within and between paragraphs. Use transition words and phrases more effectively to signal the relationships between points, thus improving the flow of your essay.
Vocabulary Diversity
Increasing the variety and precision of your vocabulary can add depth to your essay. Consider exploring and utilizing a broader range of terminology related to the topic at hand.
Examples & Evidence
Providing more specific examples and evidence will strengthen your arguments and make your position more persuasive. Draw from a wider range of sources or personal experiences to substantiate your points.
Balanced Discussion
The essay offers a balanced discussion of both views presented in the prompt, reflecting a good understanding of the topic.
Personal Perspective
Your personal perspective is clearly communicated, adding a unique dimension to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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