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Writing Samples
Band 9

In many cities the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the advantages of video surveillance outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent years, the installation of
video
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cameras
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 in public areas has increased to reduce
crime
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.
However
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, some people believe that these measures restrict our personal rights.
This
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 trend has both merits and shortcomings, and I think that the merits outweigh the shortcomings.
To begin
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 with,
video
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 surveillance is highly beneficial in reducing the
crime
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 rate. To be specific, offenders can be effectively captured by a police officer through numerous CCTVs all over the city.
Moreover
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, when people are aware of the
cameras
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, they are reluctant to commit a
crime
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due to
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 the anxiety of being punished. To illustrate, a notable study conducted by Korea University revealed that a city with more than 10,000 security
cameras
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 showed a 10 times lower offence rate compared to cities with less than 4,000
cameras
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.
Hence
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, installing
video
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cameras
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 is overly favourable to lower the
crime
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 rate.
Furthermore
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, it is
also
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 helpful in finding a mission person or objects.
For instance
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, it is possible to track back where the missing person went or the object was lost.
In addition
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, a policeman can search for an old man with dementia via public
cameras
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 or get a clue about where one's belongings have gone. Indeed,
video
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 surveillance is truly advantageous as it suggests a guide to finding people in need and goods.
To conclude
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, in many regions, the number of
video
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cameras
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 in public places is increasing.
Although
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 it can harm our individual freedom, I think the number of advantages overrides the disadvantages.
Thus
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, the government should attract investment in installing more CCTVs.

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Use of Examples
You have provided clear and relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument effectively.
Essay Structure
Your essay has a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which helps in conveying your message effectively.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • video surveillance
  • crime deterrent
  • law enforcement
  • privacy infringement
  • public safety
  • evidence
  • surveillance abuse
  • secure environment
  • citizen oversight
  • data misuse
  • budget constraints
  • false sense of security
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