The government’s investment in arts, music and theater is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?
Some said the government should spend expenditure on public
services
instead
of the cultural sector. To a small extent, I agree with this
opinion.
Public services
are essential to maintain citizens' quality of life, however
, it is not the reason that the officials should cut off their spending on arts. Public services
provide physical support for residents, while
art activities support people psychologically. Improvement on
medical Change preposition
in
services
can help people have a
better health and longer life Correct article usage
apply
span
.
Cultural activities like arts, music and Correct subject-verb agreement
spans
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
represents
one region's history and culture. Change the verb form
represent
Provide
more expenses on Wrong verb form
Providing
culture
that has historical value can help residents have Add an article
a culture
the culture
better
understanding Add an article
a better
on
the past. Take Hong Kong as an example, wall paintings in Kowloon City by a man, are protected by the Hong Kong Government, as they have Change preposition
of
history
value to Hong Kong.
Replace the word
historical
Furthermore
, high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
of
artificial activities like music concerts attract tourists from other nations. Change preposition
apply
For example
, Taylor Swift held a concert in Singapore, it
Correct pronoun usage
which
attracts
many international fans of hers Wrong verb form
attracted
flew
over there to see the concert, which stimulated Singapore's tourism.
Correct word choice
and flew
To conclude
, I agree the government should invest more on
the public sector than the art industry Change preposition
in
in
a small extent.Change preposition
to
Submitted by siuboong on
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Task Achievement
Remember to maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout your essay. Your introduction suggests only minor agreement with the statement, but your conclusion appears more neutral. Ensure consistency to strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to make your transitions smoother and improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
In discussing different viewpoints, ensure that your position is clearly stated throughout the essay. It helps the reader follow your line of argument more easily.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument. Example: the wall paintings in Kowloon City and Taylor Swift's concert in Singapore.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging the importance of both public services and the arts. This approach is thoughtful and well-reasoned.
Coherence & Cohesion
You made an effort to structure your essay with an introduction and conclusion, which gives it a clear beginning and end. This is good practice in essay writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
