Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.
In
modern
world, Add an article
the modern
often
appears a Rephrase
there often
though
about the indispensable skills required in schools.Correct your spelling
thought
The
Correct article usage
A
big
amount of people suppose that academic education is more important than cookery, dressmaking and woodwork. Correct word choice
large
Due to children
can learn Change preposition
Children
this
at home. I totally disagree with this
statement. Indeed, the
academic schooling is what opens the doors to different universities and helps to achieve goals and dreams, we should not forget about the clout of household proficiency, which the majority use every day.
Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, the knowledge of the basic practical skills is simply essential. It helps not only in everyday life, but it also
gives an opportunity for students to chose
their own path in the future. Only by learning Wrong verb form
choose
such
dexterity, kids are able to make a decision, either way
they would like to become a cook, Add a comma
way,
carpenter
or to have Correct word choice
or carpenter
completely
contrasting career. Of course, it doesn't guarantee that everyone will decide instantly, but it will definitely simplify the
pick.
Add an article
a completely
Secondly
, is that not all of the students came from skilled worker's families. For example
, some of the parents are from professional area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
As a result
, they probably don't have enough time or ability to teach their kids skills such
as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork. That is
why it is extremely important to have such
lessons at school, which can close the gaps in education.
To conclude
, academies must include such
lessons into
their program, Change preposition
in
due to
the necessity of this
fineness in livelihood and help in profession
choice in the near future.Replace the word
professional
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Examples & Evidence
Consider expanding your essay with more diverse examples and perhaps contrasting viewpoints to strengthen your argument. Including personal examples or citing specific instances where schools successfully incorporated practical skills could add depth to your essay.
Language use
Enhancing the range of your vocabulary and sentence structures can make your arguments more compelling and your essay more memorable. Try incorporating more complex structures and less common vocabulary to demonstrate a wider linguistic range.
Grammar
Pay close attention to sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences or fragmented ideas. Employing a variety of complex sentence types can help to clarify your points and make your writing more engaging.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, indicating a clear stance on the issue.
Structure
You have successfully structured your essay with a logical flow, transitioning smoothly between points.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing your argument effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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