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Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree.

#schools #focus #success #examinations #skills #cookery #woodwork #school #friends
In
modern
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the modern
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 world,
often
Rephrase
there often
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 appears a
though
Correct your spelling
thought
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 about the indispensable skills required in schools.
The
Correct article usage
A
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big
Correct word choice
large
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 amount of people suppose that academic education is more important than cookery, dressmaking and woodwork.
Due to children
Change preposition
Children
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 can learn
this
 at home. I totally disagree with
this
 statement. Indeed,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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academic schooling is what opens the doors to different universities and helps to achieve goals and dreams, we should not forget about the clout of household proficiency, which the majority use every day.
Firstly
, the knowledge of the basic practical skills is simply essential. It helps not only in everyday life, but it
also
 gives an opportunity for students to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
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 their own path in the future. Only by learning
such
 dexterity, kids are able to make a decision, either
way
Add a comma
way,
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 they would like to become a cook,
carpenter
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or carpenter
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 or to have
completely
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a completely
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 contrasting career. Of course, it doesn't guarantee that everyone will decide instantly, but it will definitely simplify the pick.
Secondly
, is that not all of the students came from skilled worker's families.
For example
, some of the parents are from professional
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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.
As a result
, they probably don't have enough time or ability to teach their kids skills
such
 as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork.
That is
 why it is extremely important to have
such
 lessons at school, which can close the gaps in education.
To conclude
, academies must include
such
 lessons
into
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in
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 their program,
due to
 the necessity of
this
 fineness in livelihood and help in
profession
Replace the word
professional
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 choice in the near future.
Submitted by sofiaavramenko0906 on

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Examples & Evidence
Consider expanding your essay with more diverse examples and perhaps contrasting viewpoints to strengthen your argument. Including personal examples or citing specific instances where schools successfully incorporated practical skills could add depth to your essay.
Language use
Enhancing the range of your vocabulary and sentence structures can make your arguments more compelling and your essay more memorable. Try incorporating more complex structures and less common vocabulary to demonstrate a wider linguistic range.
Grammar
Pay close attention to sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences or fragmented ideas. Employing a variety of complex sentence types can help to clarify your points and make your writing more engaging.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, indicating a clear stance on the issue.
Structure
You have successfully structured your essay with a logical flow, transitioning smoothly between points.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing your argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
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