IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

A government has a responsbility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some poeple think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree ?

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There is an ongoing debate about whether governments ought to prevent their population
due to
Linking Words
 their responsibility by reducing social
activities
Use synonyms
 in public.
Therefore
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, some people advocate that they do not have to lessen leisure
activities
Use synonyms
 in public in
order
Use synonyms
 to protect the crowd, yet others
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 no
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
strong belief about that matter.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly agrees with the opinion and considers that lessening
activities
Use synonyms
 is necessary to conserve people. On the one hand, plenty of issues in crowded places can be observed
due to
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density
Correct article usage
the density
show examples
 of individuals. Which are namely
infection
Fix the agreement mistake
infections
show examples
, and disorders.
In other words
Linking Words
, administrations must restrict
motion
Correct article usage
the motion
show examples
 of humans in public in
order
Use synonyms
 to reduce viruses infecting
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the air.
For instance
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,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
illnes
Correct your spelling
ill
 people was decreased by strict rules during the Corona-19 epidemic.
Hence
Linking Words
, carrying out limits
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 locals is significant so as to
prevent
Verb problem
protect
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 from diseases.
Neverthless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, in contemporary times, a myriad of countries have struggled with terrorism issues.
In addition
Linking Words
, terrorists aim
crowded
Change preposition
at crowded
show examples
 places in
order
Use synonyms
 to properly implement their duties so a multitude of instructions, including prohibiting exhibitions or concerts, are being taken in
order
Use synonyms
 to guarantee
population's
Correct article usage
the population's
show examples
 life.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2017, a bomb attack in Turkey did not lead to huge issues since the
governement
Correct your spelling
government
 had already applied ways
preventing
Change preposition
of preventing
show examples
 public.
Thus
Linking Words
, amending
activities
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as concerts and festivals is fundamental to conserve crowd. In conclusion, restriction individuals' motions might
Linking Words
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 seem like a detrimental fact, yet it is extremely beneficial for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. The essay strongly believes that administrations must ban some
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 in
order
Use synonyms
 to conserve their population.

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Clarity
A thorough re-reading and proofreading of your essay could help to ensure clarity and prevent misunderstandings.
Grammar & Spelling
Being cautious with spelling and grammatical errors will polish your essay.
Topic Relevance
Try to more closely align your response with the specific question asked, focusing on government spending on defense versus social benefits.
Structure
The essay presents a clear argument and structure, effectively introducing, supporting, and concluding the viewpoint.
Examples
Use of examples to support your arguments is effective and enhances understanding.
Stance
The ability to express a clear personal stance throughout the essay is commendable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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