The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.

The bar graphs illustrate the proportion of who watched reality and game shows in men and women and 16-24, 25-34, 35-44 and 45+ age groups in Australia.
The bar charts show
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
of those who watch
reality
and game shows based on their genders, categorized into four different
age
groups in Australia.
Overall
,
It is clear that
females watch shows more than men, especially when it comes to
reality
shows,
whereas
males
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prefer games to watch.
Furthermore
, the popularity of both game and
reality
shows
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
nearly the same for those who are over 45 years old in Australia. looking at the first bar chart, 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of women do watch
reality
shows,
while
only about 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of men watch these kinds of programs.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
we can see
an
Change the article
a
show examples
slight upward trend for
reality
shows as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people grew older from about 52
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in the first
group
to nearly 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in the
last
age
group
. The second bar chart is about the popularity of game shows. The percentage of males and females watching
this
type of
programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program
show examples
is about 62 and 59
percent
respectively. When we look at the
age
groups, the popularity dips from 52
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
to 38
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in the second
age
group
. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
it follows a steady state and surges to 70
percent
in the
last
age
group
.
Submitted by bakhti on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Vocabulary: Replace the words reality, age, percent, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 8 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: