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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows how many people came from 5 countries to Australia for business, holidays or to visit family and friends in 2017.

The bar chart shows how many people came from 5 countries to Australia for business, holidays or to visit family and friends in 2017.
The bar chart illustrates visitors
came
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
 to Australia from five countries for different purposes in the year 2017.
Its
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
showing
Replace the word
shows
show examples
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 as well
holiday
Correct word choice
as holiday
show examples
 leisure activities.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly seen that reading
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 and spending time at the beach is
most
Correct word choice
the highest
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent by tourists.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
less
Add a missing verb
are less
show examples
 likely to visit the places. Looking at the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
, clearly
shown
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 from China prefer to read books
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 8
hours
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
American
Replace the word
Americans
show examples
 spend 5
hours
Use synonyms
. There is
similarity
Correct article usage
a similarity
show examples
 showing on the chart that
people
Use synonyms
 of Turkish and Brazilian same
hours
Use synonyms
 spent on reading books.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 3
hours
Use synonyms
 spent by Chinese
people
Use synonyms
 at
beach
Add an article
the beach
show examples
 and Brazilian tourists are the higher number of
hours
Use synonyms
 spent.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is easily noticed that the smallest number of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 from five countries came

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • visitors
  • business purposes
  • holidays
  • visit family and friends
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • trends
  • outliers
  • notable patterns
  • key insights
  • international visits
  • conclusion
  • summarizing
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