More and more people are using mobile phones and the internet to communicate. Therefore, people are losing their ability to communicate face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
contemporary world, mobile phones have become
integral
Change the article
an integral
show examples
part of
lifestyle
Add an article
the lifestyle
a lifestyle
show examples
. People are using it for communication purposes. Some people believe that
due to
these devices, individuals are not
confortable
Correct your spelling
comfortable
in
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
conversations.
Although
, I agree that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology has changed the way of communication
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they are not the only reason behind less physical interaction. To commence with, technology was developed to make lives easier and it is doing
do
Correct your spelling
so
show examples
. Nowadays, with the help
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
telephones and
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, a person can talk to his friend or relative sitting in another country,
however
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
was not possible in
20th
Change the article
the 20th
show examples
century. It not only helped to reduce the distance but
also
helped to make
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
stronger.
Nevertheless
, I agree that people are more busy on phones, whether in scrolling
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
, watching movies or other stuff like that, but the culprit behind
this
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
, it's the individual who is using it. He should reduce the time he usually
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
on these gadgets
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that he can enjoy more with his family. Moving
further
, another cause of less interaction is
busy
Add an article
a busy
show examples
life. There is
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
race going on in
outside
Add an article
the outside
show examples
world and everyone wants to win it.
Therefore
, no one has leisure time for his
love
Replace the word
loved
show examples
ones.
For instance
, students are working hard to achieve good grades so that
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
can get better
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
and earn more.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
is in the case of elder folks. They are running behind making more money and getting successful and because of all
this
, they are leaving behind their relationships.
To conclude
, yes,
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
some
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
mobile phones are the cause of less
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
communication but it
also
depends on the person
how
Correct word choice
and how
show examples
he
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
it. He should reduce its usage and try to interact with others physically.
Submitted by lovekirandeepk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Be careful with spelling and grammatical accuracy to ensure your argument is clearly understood. For example, 'In this contemporary world, mobile phones have become integral part of lifestyle.' could be improved to 'In the contemporary world, mobile phones have become an integral part of our lifestyle.'
Sentence Structure
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to add variety and complexity to your writing. This will help keep the reader engaged and demonstrate your proficiency in English.
Evidence Support
Work on adding more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've mentioned general trends, personal anecdotes or specific data can make your points more convincing.
Structure
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well.
Relevance
Your essay successfully adheres to the topic, providing relevant points that address both sides of the argument.
Organization
You have effectively used paragraphs to organize your ideas, which helps in maintaining coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • facilitated
  • convenient communication
  • geographical barriers
  • eroded
  • social skills
  • digital divide
  • increasingly isolated
  • digital communication platforms
  • complement
  • mitigate
  • perceived decline
  • in-person communication
What to do next:
Look at other essays: