IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these point of views and give your opinion.

#people #work #organization #life #organizations #point
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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world , some employees
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that it is good to
work
Use synonyms
 for the same company
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 their life and others
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 it has better opportunities if we change to other companies. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I
woold
Correct your spelling
would
show examples
 like to discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views. A lot of people prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 in
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
organisation
Use synonyms
 for decades till they
retirement
Replace the word
retire
show examples
. With numerous
work
Use synonyms
 experience in different
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
organisation
Use synonyms
 from manager finance , management, business
analyst
Replace the word
analysis
show examples
 so on. All
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 experience
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 of growth of employees in terms of pay rise and promotions
for instance
Linking Words
 , Google CEO
sundar
Change the capitalization
Sundar
show examples
 piccata started as
normal
Add an article
a normal
show examples
 programmer and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
top
Add an article
the top
a top
show examples
 position as CEO. The longer you.
Work
Use synonyms
 for
company
Add an article
a company
the company
show examples
 the more you get paid with all benefits.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,working for
different
Add an article
the different
show examples
Use synonyms
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 will have better opportunities and better
work
Use synonyms
 experience from different kinds of
Use synonyms
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 .
further
Linking Words
 more there will be more chances of getting paid well
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
perivous
Correct your spelling
previous
pervious
work
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 person who worked in
previous
Correct article usage
a previous
show examples
 job for $100000 annual pay
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more chances to ask for more than
previous
Correct pronoun usage
their previous
his previous
her previous
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 in an interview .
In contrast
Linking Words
, there might be
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in getting better promotions because of frequent
changing
Replace the word
changes
show examples
 the jobs ,
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 have an impression that
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will not stay longer.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , I strongly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that it
better
Add a missing verb
is better
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in
single
Add an article
a single
show examples
organisation
Use synonyms
 when you feel there will be better chances of growth in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 life
as well as
Linking Words
 in terms of pay but , where you feel there is a lot of politics in works
place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 and there is no room for growth in
hierarchy
Add an article
the hierarchy
a hierarchy
show examples
 , it better to change
organisation
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nikhilguni on

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Style
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and flow. While the essay has a clear structure, diversifying sentence types could improve readability.
Accuracy
Pay attention to grammar and spelling. While small inaccuracies don't significantly impact your score, reducing these errors could polish your presentation and make your argument more persuasive. For example, "belive" should be "believe", and "perivous work" should be "previous work".
Language use
Include a wider range of vocabulary. While your essay has a good use of terms related to the topic, incorporating a more diverse set of vocabulary can demonstrate a broader linguistic range.
Content
The essay provides a balanced view of both perspectives, effectively discussing the benefits of staying with one company as well as changing jobs.
Examples
Good use of examples to support points, such as referencing Google CEO Sundar Pichai's career progression. These examples are effective in illustrating your points.
Conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly sums up your argument and provides a clear stance on the issue, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
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