IELTS Writing Samples by topic In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

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In some communities, kids

some time

Correct your spelling

sometimes

show examples

receive the message that if they work hard enough, they can get anything they want. In my opinion,

this

trend

have

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has

show examples

both benefits and drawbacks. On the one hand, there

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

a number of benefits when kids receive

message

Fix the agreement mistake

messages

show examples

this

Firstly

, it would help them

enhances

Correct subject-verb agreement

enhance

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motivation and determination when trying

some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

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things new because they can set ambitious goals and put effort

to achieve

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into achieving

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

Secondly

, It promotes a growth mindset,

therefore

, when they face

with

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apply

show examples

challenges, they will think

that

Correct pronoun usage

there is

show examples

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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opportunities for growth and development. My younger cousin is

example

Add an article

an example

show examples

this

Remove the comma

apply

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when he

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

a band 7.0 IELTS score in 6 months

for

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show examples

study

adroad

Correct your spelling

abroad

, he

spend

Wrong verb form

spent

show examples

all his time to achieve that and now

have

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has

show examples

a ticket going to Denmark as

Correct article usage

an intership

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intership

Correct your spelling

internship

student.

On the other hand

, there are several major drawbacks related to

this

trend and the main negative effect is children may create unrealistic expectations. They would continue to do things that

maybe

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may

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not

suitable

Add a missing verb

be suitable

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for

they

Correct pronoun usage

their

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skills,

knowledges

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knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

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and

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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reality, which may make them

frustration

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frustrated

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depression

Replace the word

depressed

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and

isolation

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isolated

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when they can not achieve it.

For example

, many students in Korea decide to

suicided

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suicide

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when they score under their

expectation

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expectations

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Additionally

, It would

really

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be really

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bad for them when their

knowledges

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knowledge

pieces of knowledge

bits of knowledge

show examples

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

lacking, it may be easy for

someones

Fix the agreement mistake

someone

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use

Fix the infinitive

to use

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them for bad things like shoplifting or drug

seller

Replace the word

selling

show examples

which would bring their life going to jail. In conclusion, in my opinion, giving some

advices

Change the wording

advice

pieces of advice

bits of advice

show examples

this

has both

benifical

Correct your spelling

beneficial

and detrimental effects

for

Change preposition

show examples

kids.

Submitted by huynhvinhthai236 on Wed Apr 10 2024

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coherence

Aim to have a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to enhance clarity.

coherence

Organize your essay more effectively by ensuring your examples directly support your main points.

task achievement

Strive to maintain a balanced view by discussing each side of the argument more equally.

cohesion

Be mindful of using a broader range of linking words to improve the flow of your essay.

task achievement

Work on using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.

coherence cohesion

Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Small errors can impact the clarity of your arguments.

cohesion

You provided examples to support your ideas, which strengthens your argument.

task achievement

You attempted to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, fulfilling the prompt requirements.

coherence

Your essay reflects a good attempt to structure your thoughts logically.

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Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

fosters resilience
copious failures and setbacks
growth mindset
self-efficacy
ambitious goals
inevitable limitations
excessive pressure
burnout
inadvertently devalue
natural aptitudes
societal measures of success
decreased self-esteem

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IELTS Writing Samples by topic In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

Some people think that visiting museums and art galleries is the best way to learn about art, While others believe that there are betteer ways of doing that. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some children spen hours every day on their smartphones Why is this the case? Do you thinki this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that we should not study history, as it has little or nothing to tell us. Do you agree or disagree.

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Today, many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of their life, but few of them can achieve it. What are the problems in trying it? What measures can be taken to solve this problem?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+