IELTS Writing Samples by topic In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In some communities, kids
some time
receive the message that if they work hard enough, they can get anything they want. In my opinion, Correct your spelling
sometimes
this
trend have
both benefits and drawbacks.
On the one hand, there Change the verb form
has
is
a number of benefits when kids receive Correct subject-verb agreement
are
message
like Fix the agreement mistake
messages
this
. Firstly
, it would help them enhances
motivation and determination when trying Correct subject-verb agreement
enhance
some
things new because they can set ambitious goals and put effort Correct quantifier usage
apply
to achieve
Change preposition
into achieving
it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
Secondly
, It promotes a growth mindset, therefore
, when they face with
challenges, they will think Change preposition
apply
that
Correct pronoun usage
there is
is
opportunities for growth and development. My younger cousin is Correct subject-verb agreement
are
example
of Add an article
an example
this
,
when he Remove the comma
apply
need
a band 7.0 IELTS score in 6 months Change the verb form
needs
for
study Change preposition
to
adroad
, he Correct your spelling
abroad
spend
all his time to achieve that and now Wrong verb form
spent
have
a ticket going to Denmark as Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Correct article usage
an intership
intership
student.
Correct your spelling
internship
On the other hand
, there are several major drawbacks related to this
trend and the main negative effect is children may create unrealistic expectations. They would continue to do things that maybe
not Correct your spelling
may
suitable
for Add a missing verb
be suitable
they
skills, Correct pronoun usage
their
knowledges
and Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
their
reality, which may make them Correct pronoun usage
apply
frustration
, Replace the word
frustrated
depression
and Replace the word
depressed
isolation
when they can not achieve it. Replace the word
isolated
For example
, many students in Korea decide to suicided
when they score under their Change the form of the verb
suicide
expectation
. Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
Additionally
, It would really
bad for them when their Add a missing verb
be really
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
are
lacking, it may be easy for Correct subject-verb agreement
is
someones
Fix the agreement mistake
someone
use
them for bad things like shoplifting or drug Fix the infinitive
to use
seller
which would bring their life going to jail.
In conclusion, in my opinion, giving some Replace the word
selling
advices
like Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
this
has both benifical
and detrimental effects Correct your spelling
beneficial
for
kids.Change preposition
on
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coherence
Aim to have a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to enhance clarity.
coherence
Organize your essay more effectively by ensuring your examples directly support your main points.
task achievement
Strive to maintain a balanced view by discussing each side of the argument more equally.
cohesion
Be mindful of using a broader range of linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Work on using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation. Small errors can impact the clarity of your arguments.
cohesion
You provided examples to support your ideas, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
You attempted to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, fulfilling the prompt requirements.
coherence
Your essay reflects a good attempt to structure your thoughts logically.