IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015.

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015.
The graph demonstrates the proportion of disparate devices,
such
Linking Words
 as an MP3 player, a mobile phone, a computer and a tablet bought by households in the period of 20 years.
Above all
Linking Words
, the trends rapidly changed since 1995, the tablet was the latest invention at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 time. In fact,
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time, to be exact in 1995 MP3
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 owned by 15%
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
raise
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 to over 40% in 2015.
Next,
Linking Words
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
 gained popularity in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000, and
finally
Linking Words
 reached the top with a score
95
Change preposition
of 95
show examples
% in 2015. Almost the same
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
 to the computer, which number of use, went from 7% up to
firstly
Linking Words
, 60% in 2005 and
then
Linking Words
 increased to the same point as the smartphone.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, an interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the tablet began between 2000 and 2005. People started to buy it more and its sales reached their first peak in 2010 and the second one after 5 years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • households
  • electronic devices
  • ownership percentage
  • technological advancements
  • consumer behavior
  • market saturation
  • obsolescence
  • innovation
  • trends
  • emerging technologies
  • comparison
  • speculate
  • significance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: