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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reportion the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reportion the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart shows data related to the percentage of
Add an article
the
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 living in four southeast
asian
Change the capitalization
Asian
show examples
 nations from 1970 to 2020, with
Correct article usage
a forcast
show examples
forcast
Correct your spelling
forecast
 for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 showed a
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
 upward trend in the % of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
popuation
Correct your spelling
population
.
However
Linking Words
, Thailand and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 showed some fluctuations in the
overall
Linking Words
 percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
. In 1970 , 30% of the total
poulation
Correct your spelling
population
 lived in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and around 1/10 lived in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
. By 2020, there was a
dramtic
Correct your spelling
dramatic
 increase as
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 reached almost 50% and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 was above 70%. It is predicted that the
population
Use synonyms
 will increase to almost 80% and above 50% in
Use synonyms
malaysia
Change the capitalization
Malaysia
show examples
 and
Indonesia
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of people living in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and Thailand
also
Linking Words
 fluctuated from 1970 till 2010.
Philippines
Correct article usage
The Philippines
show examples
 was
poulated
Correct your spelling
populated
 above 30% in 1970 as compared to 1/5 in Thailand. There was a gradual upward trend from 2010
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2020.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
an upwared
show examples
upwared
Correct your spelling
upward
 trend is
forecaseted
Correct your spelling
forecasted
 from 2030 till 2040 too.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, malaysia, indonesia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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