19. The professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers should be paid more than the sports and entertainment stars or personalities. Do you agree or disagree?
The
Correct article usage
Healthcare
healthcare
workers
should be given higher remuneration than actors or sports player
. Fix the agreement mistake
players
While
I feel that every profession directly impacts the well- being
of the Correct your spelling
well-being
society
at large, I believe that healthcare
providers should be comepensated
well than actors and sports players.
The primary reason why Correct your spelling
compensated
healthcare
providers should be paid more is due to
the direct societal benefit provided to public
. They play a critical role in our Add an article
the public
society
as they provide essential services to public
. During the recent pandemic COIVD-19, we saw the vital role played by them to save lives and ensure that Add an article
the public
population
at large is protectedCorrect article usage
the population
it
. The selfless dedication, long hours and stressful Correct pronoun usage
apply
enivronement
must be highly compensated since their role is vital in the survival and existence of Correct your spelling
environment
environments
society
too.
The second main reason why medical workers
should be paid more is to attract best
talent in Change the article
the best
this
field. Due to
higher burnout rates , younger
generation is not interested in choosing Add an article
the younger
medical
as a profession. Replace the word
medicine
This
eventually would lead to major
disparity in supply and demand as we would have Correct article usage
a major
less
medical Correct quantifier usage
fewer
workers
but more patients who requrie
medical attention. Correct your spelling
require
This
discrepency
will eventually lead to an overwhelming medical system. Correct your spelling
discrepancy
Therefore
, it is extremely important to provide higher
quality of service and Add an article
a higher
lucerative
income to attract Correct your spelling
lucrative
younger
generation into Add an article
the younger
this
profession.
To conclude
, healthcare
workers
provide essential services for the existence of our society
. The importance of their work cannot be undermined as growth
and Correct article usage
the growth
wellbeing
of Correct your spelling
well-being
Correct article usage
the poplulation
poplulation
at large Correct your spelling
population
populations
depends
on it. I Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
beleive
that by paying them higher salaries we are protecting Correct your spelling
believe
future
of generations to come.Correct article usage
the future
Submitted by sakshi.s16 on
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accuracy
Watch out for minor spelling and grammar errors (`comepensated` should be `compensated`, `COIVD-19` should be `COVID-19`, `enivronement` should be `environment`, `lucerative` should be `lucrative`, `poplulation` should be `population`, and `beleive` should be `believe`) to ensure the highest level of accuracy in your writing.
task response specificity
Consider providing a slightly more detailed example or statistic to support your arguments, enhancing the specificity and strength of your claims. Although you've used relevant examples, adding more depth could offer further insight.
coherence flow
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs for improved flow. Including transitional phrases can guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
structure
The essay presents a well-structured argument, with a clear introduction, development of points, and conclusion.
task response
You thoroughly addressed the question, providing a clear position and relevant arguments to support your opinion.
examples
Good use of specific examples, such as the COVID-19 pandemic, to support your argument about the importance of healthcare workers.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.