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Band 6.5

The charts below show that students in high school want to become when they grow up. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show that students in high school want to become when they grow up. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #students #school #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The given two charts illustrate which occupations
for
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apply
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secondary school
students
 want to have in the
future
according to
the
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gender.
Overall
, it is clearly seen that it is different what they want to become in the
future
 between boys and girls.
While
 the highest percentage of male
students
 want to become a doctor
of
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32%, 24% of female
students
, which accounted for the highest on the chart, want to be a
teacher
 when they become adults. In detail, the most popular
jobs
 among male
students
is
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a doctor,
an
Correct article usage
apply
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athlete and
a
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dentist. The total number of these top three occupations is 70%.
Subsequently
, 12% of male
students
 want to be a lawyer and the percentage of
students
 who want to get a job
for
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as
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 a professor is 9%.
Except
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Except for
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 these
jobs
, few
students
 want to be a
teacher
 and
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
, which consist of under 10%. Turning to the figure for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
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, the most
preference
Replace the word
preferred
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jobs
 for female
students
is
Verb problem
apply
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a
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, a dentist, and a lawyer. A small percentage of male
students
 want to become a
teacher
 in the
future
,
whereas
 many girls,
in
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apply
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which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 take up 24% of the chart, are eager to become a
teacher
 in the near
future
.
In addition
, the second preference of
future
jobs
 for male
students
are
Change the verb form
is
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 an athlete,
while
 a small proportion of female high school
students
 want to be an athlete: 5%.
Submitted by dmdql2708 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, future, teacher, jobs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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