The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There's a serious situation in

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

society that the percentage of overweight

children

Use synonyms

has increased by almost 20% in the

last

Linking Words

ten years. Because of that great number, more and more people start to

fucus

Correct your spelling

focus

show examples

this

Linking Words

topic. A lot of reasons can lead to

this

Linking Words

circumstance.

For example

Linking Words

, the bad eating habits. Many

children

Use synonyms

from

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

coutries

Correct your spelling

countries

are

get

Wrong verb form

getting

show examples

used to eating junk food.

Those

Correct determiner usage

This

show examples

junk food will accelerate the process of getting fat.

Besides

Linking Words

that, with modern technology sharply developing, more and more kids may choose to

playing

Wrong verb form

play

show examples

video games

instead

Linking Words

of going out for sports. Those unhealthy habits can cause a

lot

Add the preposition

lot of

show examples

fat.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the lack of education can

also

Linking Words

cause that

probelm

Correct your spelling

problem

. Without an awareness of the importance of keeping a healthy lifestyle, those

children

Use synonyms

will never pay attention to their overweight, unless somebody

remind

Change the verb form

reminds

show examples

them. What's more, a lack of sleep can

also

Linking Words

lead to the gain of weight. So what are the effects of being overweight?

Firstly

Linking Words

, it is certain that higher risks of getting serious health problems will

exsist

Correct your spelling

exist

. Too fat means there will be a lot of fat around his or her blood

vessel

Fix the agreement mistake

vessels

show examples

, which will press and

then

Linking Words

lead to heart disease.

Secondly

Linking Words

, it will harm mental health, too. Those people who are overweight will more easily

Fix the infinitive

apply

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get depression or anxiety, and their self-confidence will be much lower than others. Those psychological

problem

Change the determiner

problems

show examples

are serious, as we all know.

Moreover

Linking Words

overweight

Add a missing verb

being overweight

show examples

can link to the

satisfacation

Correct your spelling

satisfaction

of sleeping.

While

Linking Words

breathing during sleep, those who are too fat will be much more difficult and cause more health problems. In conclusion, getting fat can

be prevent

Change the verb form

be prevented

show examples

, and should

be prevent

Change the verb form

be prevented

show examples

due to

Linking Words

those harms. We need to pay more attention to

this

Linking Words

issue and help those

children

Use synonyms

to have a much more

normaland

Correct your spelling

normal

healthy life, like others. Government, schools and families all need to do something effective to influence western kids.

pitaleung8Thu Apr 11 2024

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Structure

Consider structuring your essay more clearly by separating it into distinct paragraphs for introduction, causes, effects, and conclusion to improve readability and organization.

Supporting Examples

Try to enrich your essay with more specific examples or data to support your points, which will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

Language Usage

Be vigilant about grammar and vocabulary usage to ensure clarity and precision in your expression.

Task Achievement

Your essay addresses both the causes and effects of the issue, maintaining a good balance in discussing both aspects of the prompt.

Language Use

You effectively use a range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, which enriches your essay and keeps it engaging.

Conclusion

The conclusion succinctly summarizes the discussion and reinforces the seriousness of the issue, which effectively rounds off the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

319 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overweight
obesity
caloric intake
sedentary lifestyle
screen time
physical education
nutritious
psychological well-being
self-esteem
socioeconomic
healthcare system
life expectancy
obesity-related complications

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people say that protecting the environment should be the primary concern of governments, while others argue that economic development should be prioritized. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today family members eat fewer meals together. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative trend?

is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?