The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend

There's a serious situation in

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

society that the percentage of overweight

children

has increased by almost 20% in the

last

ten years. Because of that great number, more and more people start to

fucus

Correct your spelling

focus

show examples

this

topic. A lot of reasons can lead to

this

circumstance.

For example

, the bad eating habits. Many

children

from

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

coutries

Correct your spelling

countries

are

get

Wrong verb form

getting

show examples

used to eating junk food.

Those

Correct determiner usage

This

show examples

junk food will accelerate the process of getting fat.

Besides

that, with modern technology sharply developing, more and more kids may choose to

playing

Wrong verb form

play

show examples

video games

instead

of going out for sports. Those unhealthy habits can cause a

lot

Add the preposition

lot of

show examples

fat.

Moreover

, the lack of education can

also

cause that

probelm

Correct your spelling

problem

. Without an awareness of the importance of keeping a healthy lifestyle, those

children

will never pay attention to their overweight, unless somebody

remind

Change the verb form

reminds

show examples

them. What's more, a lack of sleep can

also

lead to the gain of weight. So what are the effects of being overweight?

Firstly

, it is certain that higher risks of getting serious health problems will

exsist

Correct your spelling

exist

. Too fat means there will be a lot of fat around his or her blood

vessel

Fix the agreement mistake

vessels

show examples

, which will press and

then

lead to heart disease.

Secondly

, it will harm mental health, too. Those people who are overweight will more easily

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

get depression or anxiety, and their self-confidence will be much lower than others. Those psychological

problem

Change the determiner

problems

show examples

are serious, as we all know.

Moreover

overweight

Add a missing verb

being overweight

show examples

can link to the

satisfacation

Correct your spelling

satisfaction

of sleeping.

While

breathing during sleep, those who are too fat will be much more difficult and cause more health problems. In conclusion, getting fat can

be prevent

Change the verb form

be prevented

show examples

, and should

be prevent

Change the verb form

be prevented

show examples

due to

those harms. We need to pay more attention to

this

issue and help those

children

to have a much more

normaland

Correct your spelling

normal

healthy life, like others. Government, schools and families all need to do something effective to influence western kids.

Submitted by pitaleung8 on Thu Apr 11 2024

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Structure

Consider structuring your essay more clearly by separating it into distinct paragraphs for introduction, causes, effects, and conclusion to improve readability and organization.

Supporting Examples

Try to enrich your essay with more specific examples or data to support your points, which will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

Language Usage

Be vigilant about grammar and vocabulary usage to ensure clarity and precision in your expression.

Task Achievement

Your essay addresses both the causes and effects of the issue, maintaining a good balance in discussing both aspects of the prompt.

Language Use

You effectively use a range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, which enriches your essay and keeps it engaging.

Conclusion

The conclusion succinctly summarizes the discussion and reinforces the seriousness of the issue, which effectively rounds off the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

319 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

overweight
obesity
caloric intake
sedentary lifestyle
screen time
physical education
nutritious
psychological well-being
self-esteem
socioeconomic
healthcare system
life expectancy
obesity-related complications

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both views and give your oponion.

Computer and AI technology are increasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

computé and A.I.technologyảe increasingly being used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enchance the learning experience? Is this a positive or nagative development?

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching TV or playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+