The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There's a serious situation in
western
society that the percentage of overweight Capitalize word
Western
children
has increased by almost 20% in the last
ten years. Because of that great number, more and more people start to fucus
on Correct your spelling
focus
this
topic.
A lot of reasons can lead to this
circumstance. For example
, the bad eating habits. Many children
from western
Capitalize word
Western
coutries
are Correct your spelling
countries
get
used to eating junk food. Wrong verb form
getting
Those
junk food will accelerate the process of getting fat. Correct determiner usage
This
Besides
that, with modern technology sharply developing, more and more kids may choose to playing
video games Wrong verb form
play
instead
of going out for sports. Those unhealthy habits can cause a lot
fat. Add the preposition
lot of
Moreover
, the lack of education can also
cause that probelm
. Without an awareness of the importance of keeping a healthy lifestyle, those Correct your spelling
problem
children
will never pay attention to their overweight, unless somebody remind
them. What's more, a lack of sleep can Change the verb form
reminds
also
lead to the gain of weight.
So what are the effects of being overweight? Firstly
, it is certain that higher risks of getting serious health problems will exsist
. Too fat means there will be a lot of fat around his or her blood Correct your spelling
exist
vessel
, which will press and Fix the agreement mistake
vessels
then
lead to heart disease. Secondly
, it will harm mental health, too. Those people who are overweight will more easily to
get depression or anxiety, and their self-confidence will be much lower than others. Those psychological Fix the infinitive
apply
problem
are serious, as we all know. Change the determiner
problems
Moreover
, overweight
can link to the Add a missing verb
being overweight
satisfacation
of sleeping. Correct your spelling
satisfaction
While
breathing during sleep, those who are too fat will be much more difficult and cause more health problems.
In conclusion, getting fat can be prevent
, and should Change the verb form
be prevented
be prevent
Change the verb form
be prevented
due to
those harms. We need to pay more attention to this
issue and help those children
to have a much more normaland
healthy life, like others. Government, schools and families all need to do something effective to influence western kids.Correct your spelling
normal
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Structure
Consider structuring your essay more clearly by separating it into distinct paragraphs for introduction, causes, effects, and conclusion to improve readability and organization.
Supporting Examples
Try to enrich your essay with more specific examples or data to support your points, which will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
Language Usage
Be vigilant about grammar and vocabulary usage to ensure clarity and precision in your expression.
Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both the causes and effects of the issue, maintaining a good balance in discussing both aspects of the prompt.
Language Use
You effectively use a range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, which enriches your essay and keeps it engaging.
Conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the discussion and reinforces the seriousness of the issue, which effectively rounds off the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example