IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The first chart below show how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below show how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
#first #show #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions
A quick glance at the charts
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 information about how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
energy
 was used in
Australian
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 and
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 chart shows data about the percentage of
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
gas
emissions
 which result from household
energy
use
.
Overall
, the most useful household
energy
 is heating and water heating. it was shown that
Australian
's each family mostly
use
 heating systems because. Controversy, heating does not have many
gas
emissions
thus
 it rates as the third smallest factor of the diagram.
However
, cooling is the least
energy
 of both two charts. The most significant feature of the
energy
 used in
Australian
 households was heating followed by water heating which accounted for 42% and 30% respectively.
however
, the
gas
emissions
 resulting from
this
energy
use
 were 15% and 32% respectively. Refrigeration and other appliances represent 22% of the total
energy
use
 in Australia
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
7% and 15% separately. Despite that fact, the
Australian
 greenhouse
gas
emissions
 were almost the
double
Correct word choice
same
show examples
 amount which were 14% for refrigeration and 28% for other appliances.
On the other hand
, the lowest percentages of
energy
 consumption included cooling at 2% and lighting at 4% with
gas
emissions
 that collectively made up 11% .
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, australian, gas, emissions, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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