Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better careers for their kids.

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There are two opinions, some
people
think that
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
provide for
children
is better than family members.
Other
Fix the agreement mistake
Others
show examples
believe
on the contrary
. To be honest, my opinion,
that
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is that
show examples
professional workers for
baby
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babies
show examples
are the most competent
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
members’ extended family.
Such
employees
trained
Add a missing verb
are trained
show examples
to work with kids.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
the one hand, some
people
think that
grandparents
will be better careers for their
children
for reasons
such
as parenting experience,
love
Correct word choice
and love
show examples
of others. They truly believe that their infant
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
age be safe with adult relatives at
home
. Because there are a lot of happening related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
bad
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with
baby
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babies
show examples
in the nursery.
For example
, I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
read about
beating
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the beating
show examples
of 4
years
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4-year-old
child
during lunch with
teacher
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a teacher
show examples
in the kindergarten in Moscow city 1 year ago.
Also
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Also,
show examples
children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
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a young
show examples
age often get sick, so kids regularly stay at
home
with adults. That’s
many
Rephrase
why many
show examples
people
prefer staying at
home
with
grandparents
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
the other hand, the opponents of
this
believe that
grandparents
are worse in the bringing up than
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
provide for
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
. I
also
think that the
day care
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
is better because there are workers,
which
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who
show examples
know, how
work
Add the particle
to work
show examples
with young
people
and there is
program
Correct article usage
a program
show examples
Change preposition
for pre-school
show examples
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
education.
For example
, kids
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
go to
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
are the most adapted than
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
brings
Wrong verb form
brought
show examples
up at
home
. They are more
social
Change the adjective
socially
show examples
active and independent than their peers,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
live with family.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
they have never had trouble with
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
. In conclusion, some
people
think that
grandparents
will take care of their
child
than kindergartens. But
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, including me, believe that
children
must socialize and attend educational institutions when they are at an early age.
Submitted by alexareptile on

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Introduction
Try to explicitly state your thesis in the introduction to clearly present your viewpoint.
Sentence Structure
Work on variety and complexity of sentence structures for better coherence.
Paragraph Development
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and develop it fully with specific examples or explanations.
Grammar & Punctuation
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation to avoid misunderstandings.
Argument Development
Consider contrasting arguments more thoroughly to strengthen your position.
Balanced Discussion
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced discussion.
Use of Examples
Providing examples to support your points helps make your essay more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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