IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. Some claim that this has negative effects on both families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #food #effects #families #societies
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Food
Use synonyms
 is the basic necessity of any mankind.In a
past paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 can get
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
show examples
 variety of
food
Use synonyms
 ,
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
different cultures and societies.In rural and urban areas
one
Use synonyms
 can find traditional
food
Use synonyms
 is being replaced with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international cuisines because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modernisation and globalisation.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 traditional
food
Use synonyms
 is mainly associated with rural areas.Since agriculture is the backbone of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 they depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nutritious
food
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work because they mainly work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fields.
For example
Linking Words
: In most of the North Karnataka region
people
Use synonyms
 in-take of
chapathi
Correct your spelling
chapati
 is massive which is purely prepared with the help of
millets
Fix the agreement mistake
millet
show examples
 which is really good for the health and which keeps away from any of the
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 diseases. As we are moving from traditional society to modern society ,
one
Use synonyms
 can witness that
people
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 changing their
life styles
Correct your spelling
lifestyles
show examples
 and
food
Use synonyms
 habits. Earlier
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
families
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 dependent on traditional methods of cooking and
food
Use synonyms
 is being replaced with international cuisines. Even if they don't find it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 restaurants
people
Use synonyms
 try different
cuisine
Fix the agreement mistake
cuisines
show examples
 at home where
one
Use synonyms
 can learn through online
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as YouTube.
For instance
Linking Words
:Pasta and Pizza which
people
Use synonyms
 find it different, tempt them to try
such
Linking Words
 scrumptious
food
Use synonyms
.Which enable them to acquire western culture. On the other side of
this
Linking Words
 ,
one
Use synonyms
 can witness that
due to
Linking Words
 the fast
food
Use synonyms
 culture which is mainly international cuisine,
one
Use synonyms
 can severely be affected with many hazardous health issue. There are more of disadvantages than the advantages.
Submitted by nandiniklakshman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
Consider strengthening your essay by including a clear introduction that presents your thesis statement. This will help clarify your position on the topic from the beginning.
Content Balance
Try to maintain a balance between discussing the negative effects and any potential advantages or neutral aspects of the shift towards fast food to provide a more nuanced perspective.
Paragraphing
Introduce clearer paragraph divisions to enhance the logical flow of your essay. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.
Conclusion
Incorporate a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your thesis in light of the arguments made. This will provide a clear closure to your essay.
Vocabulary & Grammar
Improve the range of vocabulary and sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and to better express nuanced views.
Use of Examples
You effectively use examples, like the preference for chapathi in North Karnataka, to support your points about traditional food.
Understanding of Topic
The topic is relevant and you show an understanding of the implications of shifting from traditional to international fast food.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: