It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour

It is a well-established fact that

children

at an early age should know the difference between something right and wrong. And some people believe that

punishments

can help

parents

with

Change preposition

show examples

teaching them it. I personally believe that

punishments

do not lead to

a proper learning conditions

Correct the article-noun agreement

proper learning conditions

a proper learning condition

show examples

for

children

, especially if they are young.

Hence

, I do not support any kind of

punishments

Fix the agreement mistake

punishment

show examples

, I mean it does not matter whether it is emotional or physical. And there

two

Add a missing verb

are two

show examples

principle

Correct your spelling

principal

show examples

reasons for

this

. One point

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that it can ruin the relationship between the

parents

and their

children

. Several examples can be brought

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

serve to illustrate

this

point. As an example,

according to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

numerous articles

punishments

can lead to

disbeliefe

Correct your spelling

disbelief

disbelieve

between

parents

and their

children

. And in

this

case, the child would prefer to lie to their

parents

instead

of telling the truth and

define

Wrong verb form

defining

show examples

why the action that they did was wrong, and why they should not repeat that action again. Adding

furhter

Correct your spelling

further

credibility to the statement brings to

Correct article usage

the

show examples

idea that

punishments

have never led to

behavioral

Change the spelling

behavioural

show examples

changes in

children

and they

continued

Wrong verb form

continue

show examples

repeating their actions. The only thing that can change is the fact that

this

time they have learned how to hide it.

Therefore

, it can lead to major problems in the future of the child, especially during their teenage period. In conclusion, by taking into consideration all the

above mentioned

Add a hyphen

above-mentioned

show examples

reasons, I once again reaffirm my position that

punishments

cannot solve any kind of

problems

Fix the agreement mistake

problem

show examples

. And

due to

this

Add a comma

this,

show examples

no one should use any kind of

punishments

Fix the agreement mistake

punishment

show examples

in order to teach

children

something.

Submitted by intiqam.hasanov on Thu Apr 11 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay presents a clear argument against the use of punishment for teaching children right from wrong, which effectively addresses the task. To improve, consider balancing your view by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you lean towards one. This would enrich your argument and fulfill the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' aspect more fully.

Coherence & Cohesion

You’ve structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. For further improvement, make sure each paragraph centers around a single main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence. This will enhance the clarity and impact of your arguments.

Coherence & Cohesion

While your essay is largely coherent, there are occasional lapses in cohesion due to small grammatical or spelling errors ('disbeliefe' should be 'disbelief', 'furhter' should be 'further'). Proofreading your essay for small errors can significantly enhance its readability and coherence.

Task Achievement

Successfully presents a clear stance throughout the essay, maintaining focus on arguing against punishment

Coherence & Cohesion

Good use of introductory and concluding paragraphs to frame the argument

Coherence & Cohesion

Effectively uses examples to support arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of the essay

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

punishment
positive reinforcement
consequences
time-outs
removal of privileges
open communication
clear expectations
consistency
fairness
disciplinary action
proportionate
moral values
internalization

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