IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
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It is a well-established fact that
children
Use synonyms
 at an early age should know the difference between something right and wrong. And some people believe that
punishments
Use synonyms
 can help
parents
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 teaching them it. I personally believe that
punishments
Use synonyms
 do not lead to
a proper learning conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
proper learning conditions
a proper learning condition
show examples
 for
children
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, especially if they are young.
Hence
Linking Words
, I do not support any kind of
Use synonyms
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
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, I mean it does not matter whether it is emotional or physical. And there
two
Add a missing verb
are two
show examples
principle
Correct your spelling
principal
show examples
 reasons for
this
Linking Words
. One point
which
Correct word choice
that
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 I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that it can ruin the relationship between the
parents
Use synonyms
 and their
children
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. Several examples can be brought
which
Correct word choice
that
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 serve to illustrate
this
Linking Words
 point. As an example,
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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numerous articles
punishments
Use synonyms
 can lead to
disbeliefe
Correct your spelling
disbelief
disbelieve
 between
parents
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 and their
children
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. And in
this
Linking Words
 case, the child would prefer to lie to their
parents
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instead
Linking Words
 of telling the truth and
define
Wrong verb form
defining
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 why the action that they did was wrong, and why they should not repeat that action again. Adding
furhter
Correct your spelling
further
 credibility to the statement brings to
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 idea that
punishments
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 have never led to
behavioral
Change the spelling
behavioural
show examples
 changes in
children
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 and they
continued
Wrong verb form
continue
show examples
 repeating their actions. The only thing that can change is the fact that
this
Linking Words
 time they have learned how to hide it.
Therefore
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, it can lead to major problems in the future of the child, especially during their teenage period. In conclusion, by taking into consideration all the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 reasons, I once again reaffirm my position that
punishments
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 cannot solve any kind of
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
. And
due to
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 no one should use any kind of
Use synonyms
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
show examples
 in order to teach
children
Use synonyms
 something.
Submitted by intiqam.hasanov on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument against the use of punishment for teaching children right from wrong, which effectively addresses the task. To improve, consider balancing your view by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you lean towards one. This would enrich your argument and fulfill the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' aspect more fully.
Coherence & Cohesion
You’ve structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. For further improvement, make sure each paragraph centers around a single main idea, supported by specific examples or evidence. This will enhance the clarity and impact of your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
While your essay is largely coherent, there are occasional lapses in cohesion due to small grammatical or spelling errors ('disbeliefe' should be 'disbelief', 'furhter' should be 'further'). Proofreading your essay for small errors can significantly enhance its readability and coherence.
Task Achievement
Successfully presents a clear stance throughout the essay, maintaining focus on arguing against punishment
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of introductory and concluding paragraphs to frame the argument
Coherence & Cohesion
Effectively uses examples to support arguments, enhancing the persuasiveness of the essay

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
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