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Band 3

Nowadays, many people with families leave their country to work abroad. Do you think the benefits of this trend outweigh the disadvantages for the families?

#people #families #country #work #trend
These days people have the tendency to immigrate to other
countries
 with their
families
 for work. I believe
this
 trend has more pros than cons. In my upcoming paragraphs, I will discuss
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages of
this
scenarios
Fix the agreement mistake
scenario
show examples
. To start with, by working abroad , people not only have more opportunities to work in
reputative
Correct your spelling
reputation
repetitive
 companies, but they can
also
 earn good salaries by applying their knowledge and skills
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
show examples
 good companies.
Additionally
, they can easily meet
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 needs and can provide better living standards
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
families
.
Consequently
, they don't have to take the financial burden.
Apart from
this
,
immigrant's
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immigrant
show examples
chilldren
Correct your spelling
children
 not only get chances to study in good schools, but they can
also
 explore different cultures and
cusines
Correct your spelling
cuisine
cuisines
.
As a result
, it eliminates the
cultures
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culture's
show examples
 discrimination.
On the other hand
, leaving their
countries
for working
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to work
show examples
 abroad,
isolate
Correct subject-verb agreement
isolates
show examples
 people from their communities and culture as they have to adopt the culture of
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 country where they are residing.
For example
, many
families
 living in foreign
countries
 like Canada, speak English, they have
isolated
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been isolated
show examples
 from their mother tongue.
Also
,
this
 trend puts their back home's economy at
loss
Add an article
a loss
show examples
 as they invest their valuable money in foreign
countries
. In sum
up
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apply
show examples
, I would say
even
Correct word choice
that even
show examples
 though, moving to developed
countries
 is a negative development, but brings more benefits to immigrant
families
 by providing them
high
Change preposition
with high
show examples
 living standards and opportunities to explore different cultures and languages.
Submitted by jassijaspreet153 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Consider a more detailed introduction and conclusion to enhance clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include more cohesive devices to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
Content Balance
You've provided a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of working abroad.
Content Depth
Good effort in outlining the impacts on families and economies due to emigration.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • expatriate
  • remittances
  • cultural assimilation
  • expatriate community
  • economic disparity
  • cultural shock
  • social integration
  • professional networking
  • emotional resilience
  • transnational families
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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