IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

EXPERTS BELIEVE THAT, OVER THE NEXT DECADE, ROBOT WILL BE DOING MANY OF THE JOBS CURRENTLY DONE BY HUMANS. DISCUSS THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF THIS.

#experts #decade #robot #jobs #humans
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Emerging
technology
as well as
robots
 is inevitable in the next decade and some of them believe they will replace human jobs. In
this
 essay, I will explain the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 topic.
To begin
 with, the majority of people nowadays believe the
robot
 will help their errands. In some cases,
robots
 will support operational excellence related. Companies will adopt the
robot
 in order to reduce the operational cost.
For instance
, currently
Add a comma
,
show examples
customer service is still maintained by humans in the banking industry
while
 in the future,
this
 job can be replaced by
robots
 or similar
technology
 for several activities in customer care
such
 as complaint handling, card replacement, and so on.
Furthermore
, companies have to keep up and keep trying to innovate in terms of emerging
technology
.
On the other hand
,
robots
 may
also
 give some disadvantages for particular people. Lack of knowledge and
also
 administrative workers will be changed to
Robot
technology
.
For instance
, in many industries
such
 as automotive and banking, there are a lot of administration processes. Currently, credit processes are still managed by humans
while
 in the long run,
robots
 will take over those activities
such
 as collecting the data and automating the due diligence process.
Overcoming
Change the verb form
To overcome
show examples
this shortcomings
Change the determiner
this shortcoming
these shortcomings
show examples
, human has to develop their capabilities to keep up with the trend of
technology
. In
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 and drawbacks to
robot
 implementation. Cost reduction is a benefit for many companies.
In contrast
, among the people who may be impacted by
robot
 implementation, developing their capabilities and
also
 learning about the new
technology
 are the main reasons to overcome the gap.
Submitted by rezaf.permadi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines what the paragraph will discuss, making your essay's structure more evident.
Coherence & Cohesion
To enrich your essay, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Enhance the depth of your argument by discussing the implications of robot technology beyond the immediate impacts on jobs, considering both positive and negative long-term effects.
Language Accuracy
Avoid minor grammatical errors and typos to increase the clarity and professional tone of your writing.
Task Achievement
You effectively addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of robots replacing human jobs, providing a balanced argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, effectively setting up and summarizing your essay's argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: