People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hair styles and make up to change their appearance. It is unimportant for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focusing on physical appearance?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays,

people

Use synonyms

squander their time and money on clothes,

hair styles

Correct your spelling

hairstyles

show examples

and

make up

Add a hyphen

make-up

show examples

to boost confidence and create

jobs

Change the noun form

job

show examples

opportunities.

However

Linking Words

, I believe that they sometimes adversely affect their health and

finance

Fix the agreement mistake

finances

show examples

from

spend

Change the verb form

spending

show examples

excessively. It can be recognized that having a professional

appearance

Use synonyms

play

Correct subject-verb agreement

plays

show examples

a crucial role in society. As a visual species, we often form initial impressions based on

appearance

Use synonyms

. If

people

Use synonyms

create a good first impression, they can be unique among the other

people

Use synonyms

a person

meet

Correct subject-verb agreement

meets

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, when customers look at a sales assistant or a receptionist. If that person

took

Wrong verb form

takes

show examples

time to look presentable, it can help them feel confident and gain

respects

Fix the agreement mistake

respect

show examples

from the customers.

Additionally

Linking Words

, having a unique style can help

people

Use synonyms

specifically

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

young

people

Use synonyms

, express their own

characteristic

Fix the agreement mistake

characteristics

show examples

and become distinguished.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, too much focus on your

appearance

Use synonyms

can have profound physical and financial consequences on individuals. When

people

Use synonyms

fall into a cycle of never-ending dissatisfaction with one's own body. Striving for perfection in

appearance

Use synonyms

can lead to anxiety, stress, and pressure to maintain a certain image.

For instance

Linking Words

, women,

in particular

Linking Words

, may self-objectify, leading to restrained eating, shame, guilt, and negative emotions related to their physical

appearance

Use synonyms

. In the long run,

this

Linking Words

problem

also

Linking Words

can drive

people

Use synonyms

to the edge of bankruptcy and

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

pressure both in finance and health. In conclusion, there are several benefits to having a professional and fabulous

appearance

Use synonyms

range

Wrong verb form

ranging

show examples

from

express

Replace the word

expressing

show examples

people

Use synonyms

's identity to

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

opportunities to develop their jobs.

However

Linking Words

, there are doubts about how

this

Linking Words

issue

affect

Change the verb form

affects

show examples

Use synonyms

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

health and budget.

[email protected]Fri Apr 12 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

To improve, it's valuable to ensure completeness of your response by expanding on each point with more specific examples or further elaboration. This will help in clearly demonstrating your argument and enhancing the comprehensiveness of your ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, it is beneficial to further develop your ideas with clearer links between them. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to guide the reader more smoothly through your arguments.

Logical Structure

You've showcased a strong ability to form a logical structure throughout your essay, effectively introducing, discussing, and concluding your ideas on the topic.

Introduction & Conclusion Present

Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments well and gives the reader a good sense of closure and completeness.

Supported Main Points

You have supported your main points with examples and reasoning, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
newspapers and books are outdated. why do some people believe this? what is your opinion?
It has been considered by lots of people that local newspapers, magazines, and books are old-fashioned, especially for today's generation. I totally agree with the given statement and this essay will discuss it in further Paragraphs.
7
band
Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
There is a school of thought that the perfect route to minimize the time spent travelling to work is to replace the parks and gardens close to the city centre with apartment buildings for commuters whereas others do not advocate for this idea. From my perspective, I prefer to keep the existence of the parks and gardens in the heart of the city. Also, this essay will shed light on both views and provide my viewpoint.
4.5
band
People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern-day society.
In contemporary society, yong people in modern contries are experimenting with drugs and illustrated gradually up trend in early age. Some experts said that because of their parents and others often set a negative role.In my view, I think there are a variety and complex reasons of these situation and may have lots of bad influenced of the society.
5.5
band
With the rise of e-books, come the decline in paper books . Some people see this ad a good forward step while others do not. What are advantages and disadvantages of this trend?
Since e-books are becoming more popular, the needs in printed copies of books have been reduced. A part of people consider this trend as an improvement while some disagree. There are numerous pros and cons of this phenonmenon. On one hand, e-books are more environmentally friendly and reduce paper waste. On the other hand, physical books offer a different reading experience for readers that cannot be replaced by e-books.
<4
band
Describe a career that requires a lot of hard work, but is rewarding in the end. What is the job, and why is it rewarding despite the challenges? Give specific details to support your answer.
There are many careers which require a lot of hard work but at the end it is rewarding.However, From my perspective Computer Science is the field of study which requires alot of hardwork but at the end you will get the reward.

People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hair styles and make up to change their appearance. It is unimportant for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focusing on physical appearance?

Your opinion

newspapers and books are outdated. why do some people believe this? what is your opinion?

Some people think that the best way to reduce the time spent in travelling to work is to replace parks and gardens close to the city center with apartment buildings for commuters, but others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

With the rise of e-books, come the decline in paper books . Some people see this ad a good forward step while others do not. What are advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Describe a career that requires a lot of hard work, but is rewarding in the end. What is the job, and why is it rewarding despite the challenges? Give specific details to support your answer.