People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hair styles and make up to change their appearance. It is unimportant for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focusing on physical appearance?

#people #amounts #time #money #clothes #hair #styles #change #appearance #consequences

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Nowadays,

people

squander their time and money on clothes,

hair styles

Correct your spelling

hairstyles

show examples

and

make up

Add a hyphen

make-up

show examples

to boost confidence and create

jobs

Change the noun form

job

show examples

opportunities.

However

, I believe that they sometimes adversely affect their health and

finance

Fix the agreement mistake

finances

show examples

from

spend

Change the verb form

spending

show examples

excessively. It can be recognized that having a professional

appearance

play

Correct subject-verb agreement

plays

show examples

a crucial role in society. As a visual species, we often form initial impressions based on

appearance

. If

people

create a good first impression, they can be unique among the other

people

a person

meet

Correct subject-verb agreement

meets

show examples

For example

, when customers look at a sales assistant or a receptionist. If that person

took

Wrong verb form

takes

show examples

time to look presentable, it can help them feel confident and gain

respects

Fix the agreement mistake

respect

show examples

from the customers.

Additionally

, having a unique style can help

people

specifically

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

young

people

, express their own

characteristic

Fix the agreement mistake

characteristics

show examples

and become distinguished.

Nevertheless

, too much focus on your

appearance

can have profound physical and financial consequences on individuals. When

people

fall into a cycle of never-ending dissatisfaction with one's own body. Striving for perfection in

appearance

can lead to anxiety, stress, and pressure to maintain a certain image.

For instance

, women,

in particular

, may self-objectify, leading to restrained eating, shame, guilt, and negative emotions related to their physical

appearance

. In the long run,

this

problem

also

can drive

people

to the edge of bankruptcy and

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

pressure both in finance and health. In conclusion, there are several benefits to having a professional and fabulous

appearance

range

Wrong verb form

ranging

show examples

from

express

Replace the word

expressing

show examples

people

's identity to

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

opportunities to develop their jobs.

However

, there are doubts about how

this

issue

affect

Change the verb form

affects

show examples

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

health and budget.

Submitted by [email protected] on Fri Apr 12 2024

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Task Achievement

To improve, it's valuable to ensure completeness of your response by expanding on each point with more specific examples or further elaboration. This will help in clearly demonstrating your argument and enhancing the comprehensiveness of your ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, it is beneficial to further develop your ideas with clearer links between them. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to guide the reader more smoothly through your arguments.

Logical Structure

You've showcased a strong ability to form a logical structure throughout your essay, effectively introducing, discussing, and concluding your ideas on the topic.

Introduction & Conclusion Present

Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments well and gives the reader a good sense of closure and completeness.

Supported Main Points

You have supported your main points with examples and reasoning, which strengthens your arguments and makes them more convincing to the reader.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hair styles and make up to change their appearance. It is unimportant for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focusing on physical appearance?

Your opinion

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead”. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

You recently attended a conference and found the facilities were inadequate and the event was poorly organized. Write a letter to the organizer of the conference. In your letter: Explain what the problems were. Tell how you felt about the event. Say what you would like them to do