IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

#people #experimentation #animals #alternatives
It is widely argued that most
people
 think
experimentation
 on
animals
 is necessary, but other
people
 feel that
experimentation
 on
animals
 is unjustified and illegal. I believe that
people
 need continued
experimentation
 on
animals
, and there are alternatives to replace
experimentation
 on
animals
. First of all, despite
scientists
do
Verb problem
having
show examples
 no ethical concerns,
experimentation
 on
animals
 can be justified.
Scientists
 and doctors
made treatment
Wrong verb form
treated
show examples
 diseases in
people
, and they could do justified
experimentation
 on
animals
.
Moreover
, experts use rats to cure diseases and innovate vaccines
on
Change preposition
through
show examples
experimentation
.
For instance
, in 2020 amount of
people
 infected the COVID-19, and millions died of the epidemic in
people
. If experts made
experimentation
 on humans
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
very dangerous,
people
 might die in
experimentation
Add an article
the experimentation
show examples
 process.
Hence
, experts argue that
experimentation
 on
animals
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 to treat disease in
people
.
On the other hand
, alternatives to the
corpses
 of the deceased are available, if families are willing to dedicate the bodies of someone who has recently died.
Furthermore
, the
corpses
 of the deceased are even more relevant.
For instance
,
scientists
 researched
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
corpses
 of the deceased.
Scientists
 discovered the
corpses
 of the deceased had got diseases and hurt before
people
 had
alived
Correct your spelling
lived
.
Consequently
, most
people
 no longer believe that it is necessary to
experimentation
Replace the word
experiment
show examples
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 any
animals
.
However
, it is believed that
motst
Correct your spelling
most
people
 think the bodies of the deceased are hoy in Taiwan, using them for
researching
Wrong verb form
research
show examples
 procedures is complex and difficult. It is not easy to
obtained
Change the verb
obtain
show examples
 the
corpses
 of the
beceased
Correct your spelling
deceased
be ceased
. In conclusion,
people
 keep on
experimentation
Replace the word
experimenting
show examples
 with new things, in order to change
people
’s and animal’s lives. But we must ensure to any humans and any
animals
, and they are doing to injury.
Submitted by wayne685241 on

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Introduction Clarity
Consider clarifying your stance on animal experimentation more clearly at the beginning. Mention whether you mainly support or oppose it, then follow up with your reasons.
Supporting Examples
Try to use examples more effectively to support your points. While you mentioned COVID-19 and research on deceased bodies, these examples could be connected more explicitly to your main arguments.
Cohesion
Ensure a smoother flow between paragraphs by using linking words or phrases that clearly show the relationship between ideas.
Grammar and Word Choice
Be cautious of grammatical accuracy and word choice to avoid confusion. Phrases like 'do no ethical concerns' and 'motst people think the bodies of the deceased are hoy in Taiwan' could be revised for clearer meaning.
Balance of Argument
Think about exploring both sides of the argument more completely. Discussing the ethical considerations and the significance of finding alternatives to animal testing will strengthen your argument.
Structure
You introduced the topic and provided a conclusion, establishing a clear structure for your essay.
Content Depth
You tackled both sides of the argument and attempted to provide alternatives to animal testing, which is commendable.
Topic Engagement
The essay opens up an important conversation on ethical considerations, showcasing your ability to engage with complex topics.
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