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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children’s #activities #children #freedom
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The age-old question of parental
supervision
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 hinges on a delicate balance. One school of thought advocates for close monitoring, ensuring
children
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's safety and fostering good
behavior
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behaviour
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.
Conversely
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, others champion greater
freedom
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, believing it fosters independence and exploration. The ideal approach,
however
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, lies in a nuanced interplay of both. Proponents of close
supervision
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 highlight the vulnerability of
children
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. They emphasize the need for parental guidance to navigate potential dangers, both physical and social. Close monitoring allows
parents
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 to intervene in bullying situations or prevent risky
behavior
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behaviour
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.
Additionally
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, it enables the fostering of desired values and habits. Through consistent
supervision
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,
parents
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 can
instill
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instil
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 respect, responsibility, and a strong work ethic.
However
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, excessive control can stifle a child's natural curiosity and hinder
their
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the
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 development of essential life skills. Advocates of greater
freedom
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 argue that
children
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 learn best through exploration and taking calculated risks. Independent play fosters problem-solving, decision-making, and resilience.
Additionally
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, a sense of autonomy fosters self-confidence and a feeling of responsibility for one's actions.
Overly-restrictive
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Overly restrictive
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 environments,
on the other hand
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, can breed dependence and hinder a child's ability to become a self-reliant individual. The most effective approach lies in a continuum, adapting
supervision
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 levels as
children
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 mature. Young
children
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 naturally require closer monitoring, gradually granting them more
freedom
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 as they demonstrate responsible
behavior
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behaviour
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. Open communication is key;
parents
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 should establish clear boundaries
while
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 creating safe spaces for exploration and discussion. Ultimately, the goal is to nurture responsible, independent individuals capable of making sound decisions. By fostering a balance between
supervision
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 and
freedom
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,
parents
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 can equip their
children
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 with the tools they need to navigate the world with confidence.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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task completion
To further strengthen your essay, consider incorporating more specific examples to support your points. Real-life instances or studies can make your argument more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay, as you've done well. This structure helps readers follow your argument more easily.
introduction clarity
Your introduction presents the topic clearly and sets a balanced tone for the discussion, fostering engagement right from the start.
task response
You've done an excellent job discussing both viewpoints thoroughly before arriving at a nuanced personal conclusion, fulfilling the task requirement effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a strong logical flow, thanks to the clear topic sentences and cohesive devices used, making your arguments easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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