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Writing Samples
Band 5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work.

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work
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It is claimed by some individuals that non-academic
subjects
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,
such
Linking Words
 as physical education and
cookery
Use synonyms
, ought to be cancelled from the
school
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 syllabus so that
students
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 have the opportunity to
focusing
Change the verb
focus
show examples
 on academic work. In my opinion, both non-academic and academic
subjects
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 should be taught
children
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to children
show examples
 by the
school
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. First of all, some
students
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 have natural
skills
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, which are close
with
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to
show examples
 non-academic
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as physical education and
cookery
Use synonyms
. To be more specific, these children should focus on their work in order to gain the majority of money in the future.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some schools,
students
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 have
skills
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 which are
cookery
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and
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 they cannot learn academic
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as math, physics, geography and so on. If people who study in
school
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 concentrate
their
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on their
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, teachers are able to
exploring
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explore
show examples
 these
skills
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on
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in
show examples
students
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. Individuals who have natural
skills
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 can work on themselves and their
skills
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 will
be improve
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be improved
show examples
. Another point worth noting is that all
subjects
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 play a vital role in
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
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students
Capitalize word
Students
show examples
 can try to learn both non-academic and academic
subjects
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, even though it is believed by some people that non-academic
subjects
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 can be ignored. Life of children is not only close
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 academic
subjects
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 because
students
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 can suffer from cooking something.
Therefore
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, all of
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subjects
Add an article
the subjects
show examples
 should be learned
students
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 by the
school
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. In
conculusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the number of people who support removing
of
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apply
show examples
non-academic
subjects
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 that are increasing day by day at an alarming rate. I am concerned that all
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as
cookery
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, math and so on, are crucial in
Correct article usage
an individuals
show examples
individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
 entire life
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coherence cohesion
Attempt to present arguments in a more organized manner, ensuring each paragraph focuses on a distinct idea.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and reduce repetition.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address the prompt, fully exploring the implications of removing non-academic subjects and how it affects students.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support claims about the importance of non-academic subjects in schools.
task achievement
Addresses the importance of both academic and non-academic subjects in education.
coherence cohesion
Includes a conclusion that reflects on the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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