University students should pay the full cost of their studies because university education benefits individuals rather than the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
College students suggested
to bill
the education cost fully since that can affect their Change the verb form
billing
personally
rather than bring Replace the word
personalities
back
to citizens. In my opinion, I decidedly disagree Correct pronoun usage
them back
for
that statement and I will describe my reasons.
The purpose of education is Change preposition
with
giving
a right to all humankind, particularly the right to get Change the verb form
to give
scholarship
. Not all people can purchase an expensive university since Add an article
a scholarship
the scholarship
that
there Correct word choice
apply
is
many Correct subject-verb agreement
are
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
government
provides for people. Hopefully, the Correct article usage
the government
scholarship
mentee can bring back any contribution to society and country
. Correct article usage
the country
For instance
, when I was an undergraduate student, I used a scholarship
from banking
industry Correct article usage
the banking
hence
I must be
contributed to their activity. That means the Verb problem
have
scholarship
not
focus on the personal but what our contribution later in Change the verb form
does not
did not
social
community.
There Add an article
the social
a social
is
some social job that needs an academic requirement Correct subject-verb agreement
are
such
as teacher
and Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
lecturer
. Definitely, those jobs need a university degree which after Fix the agreement mistake
lecturers
graduate
they can bring back to society. Sometimes, there are students who Replace the word
graduation
Add a missing verb
are interest
interest
Replace the word
interested
to gain
that kind of job, but they Change preposition
in gaining
have
not sufficient money to pay because of that, there is the utilize of waiver fee. Add a missing verb
do have
For example
, many people who have a genius but unable
to pay the university Add a missing verb
are unable
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
hence
they need a loan to continue their dreams. That evidence
Add a missing verb
is evidence
of
some Change preposition
that
person
have Fix the agreement mistake
people
dream
Add an article
a dream
to be
a teacher or Change preposition
of being
lecturer
but Fix the agreement mistake
lecturers
they
can not achieve it.
In conclusion, why I disagree Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
Change preposition
with
this
statement caused by
two Change preposition
of
reason
which Change to a plural noun
reasons
are
the right to get Change the verb form
is
scholarship
and Add an article
a scholarship
the scholarship
high
dream Correct article usage
the high
to
Change preposition
of
be
an academic job. The government must consider Verb problem
getting
about
Change preposition
apply
Add an article
the scholarship
a scholarship
scholarship
, especially for Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
a
potential students who want to achieve their dream Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
to
society.Change preposition
in
Submitted by damayanti.nsd on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction
Clarify your overall argument in the introduction more explicitly to make your stance clear from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance logical flow between paragraphs by using more varied and clear transition phrases.
Supported Main Points
Develop main points with more detailed explanations and examples for stronger support.
Language/ Vocabulary
Aim for more precise and varied vocabulary to express ideas more effectively.
Grammar & Accuracy
Work on sentence structure and grammar for greater clarity and to minimise misunderstandings.
Task Response
You've taken a clear stance and maintained it throughout, which is good for task response.
Examples/ Evidence
The use of a real-life example (scholarship from the banking industry) helps illustrate your point well.
Conclusion
Concluding paragraph succinctly summarizes your main points, reinforcing your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite