University students should pay the full cost of their studies because university education benefits individuals rather than the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

College students suggested
to bill
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billing
show examples
the education cost fully since that can affect their
personally
Replace the word
personalities
show examples
rather than bring
back
Correct pronoun usage
them back
show examples
to citizens. In my opinion, I decidedly disagree
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
that statement and I will describe my reasons. The purpose of education is
giving
Change the verb form
to give
show examples
a right to all humankind, particularly the right to get
scholarship
Add an article
a scholarship
the scholarship
show examples
. Not all people can purchase an expensive university since
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
many
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
provides for people. Hopefully, the
scholarship
mentee can bring back any contribution to society and
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.
For instance
, when I was an undergraduate student, I used a
scholarship
from
banking
Correct article usage
the banking
show examples
industry
hence
I must
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
contributed to their activity. That means the
scholarship
not
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does not
did not
show examples
focus on the personal but what our contribution later in
social
Add an article
the social
a social
show examples
community. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
some social job that needs an academic requirement
such
as
teacher
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teachers
show examples
and
lecturer
Fix the agreement mistake
lecturers
show examples
. Definitely, those jobs need a university degree which after
graduate
Replace the word
graduation
show examples
they can bring back to society. Sometimes, there are students who
Add a missing verb
are interest
show examples
interest
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interested
show examples
to gain
Change preposition
in gaining
show examples
that kind of job, but they
have
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do have
show examples
not sufficient money to pay because of that, there is the utilize of waiver fee.
For example
, many people who have a genius but
unable
Add a missing verb
are unable
show examples
to pay the university
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
hence
they need a loan to continue their dreams. That
evidence
Add a missing verb
is evidence
show examples
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
some
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
have
dream
Add an article
a dream
show examples
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
a teacher or
lecturer
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lecturers
show examples
but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not achieve it. In conclusion, why I disagree
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
statement caused
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
two
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the right to get
scholarship
Add an article
a scholarship
the scholarship
show examples
and
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
dream
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
be
Verb problem
getting
show examples
an academic job. The government must consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the scholarship
a scholarship
show examples
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
, especially for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
potential students who want to achieve their dream
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
society.
Submitted by damayanti.nsd on

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Introduction
Clarify your overall argument in the introduction more explicitly to make your stance clear from the beginning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance logical flow between paragraphs by using more varied and clear transition phrases.
Supported Main Points
Develop main points with more detailed explanations and examples for stronger support.
Language/ Vocabulary
Aim for more precise and varied vocabulary to express ideas more effectively.
Grammar & Accuracy
Work on sentence structure and grammar for greater clarity and to minimise misunderstandings.
Task Response
You've taken a clear stance and maintained it throughout, which is good for task response.
Examples/ Evidence
The use of a real-life example (scholarship from the banking industry) helps illustrate your point well.
Conclusion
Concluding paragraph succinctly summarizes your main points, reinforcing your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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