IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Scientists believe that in order to protect the environment, people must use less energy in their daily lives. However, most people have not changed the way they live. Why do you think many people have not taken individual action? What could be done to encourage them to take action?

#scientists #environment #people #energy #lives #action
Nowadays, it is apparent that the world is significantly on
the
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apply
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track
of
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with
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the
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apply
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environmental issues. Some
people
 may believe that it is not their
responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibility
in taking
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to take
show examples
 any
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
.
However
, in order to protect the environment, many scientists think that individuals must decrease
the
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apply
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energy usage in their everyday lives,
that is
 the
way
 in helping to lessen the negative impact. Certainly, the majority of
people
 in the society in
this
 world
is
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are
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 adults. The fact
that
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is that
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 as
ones
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one
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aged
Replace the word
ages
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, it becomes more difficult to alter the
way
 they have been living.
Nevertheless
, in the past, these environmental
problem
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problems
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 were not seriously
been
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apply
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raised
up
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apply
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, and
people
 were not well-educated compared to these days.
Additionally
, the problem
are
Verb problem
does
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 not
affected
Wrong verb form
affect
show examples
 them directly. They are still able
live
Add the particle
to live
show examples
 their lives the
way
 it is. To address and solve the problem, there are various actions that can be taken, with the government playing a pivotal role in
this
 solution.
Firstly
, they can enact policies which
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 it mandatory
to
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for
show examples
 their citizens to consume less energy or limit
the
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apply
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energy usage.
Moreover
, providing free
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
of
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on
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consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
 affected
from
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by
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 not reducing the demand
of
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for
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energys
Correct your spelling
energy
,
to help
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helps
show examples
 raise awareness in
the
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apply
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society.
Furthermore
, collaboration between government and environmental organizations is
also
 important. By working together, these groups can combine their efforts and resources to develop comprehensive strategies. In conclusion, some
people
 may not
changed
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change
show examples
 the
way
 they live because
of
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apply
show examples
they are not aware
or
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of or
show examples
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 yet get the direct impact of
the
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apply
show examples
environmental issues.
However
, a lack of education
also
 stands out as a significant contributor. To tackle it, the government should actively
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 its role. By addressing the root causes and promoting education and support, the negative consequences will be minimized, thereby encouraging individuals to take responsibility
in
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for
show examples
 protecting the environment.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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Structure
Make sure your essay has a clear structure, including distinct paragraphs for introduction, main body, and conclusion. This enhances readability and coherence.
Language Use
Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to more effectively convey your points and ensure the reader's engagement.
Content
Clarify and expand on your main points with specific examples or evidence. This strengthens your arguments and makes your essay more persuasive.
Cohesion
Work on transitioning smoothly between ideas and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. This can be achieved through the use of transitional phrases and coherent topic sentences.
Content
You adequately address the topic and provide some relevant arguments and suggestions.
Understanding
You show an understanding of the need for individual and government actions to address the environmental issues.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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