Scientists believe that in order to protect the environment, people must use less energy in their daily lives. However, most people have not changed the way they live. Why do you think many people have not taken individual action? What could be done to encourage them to take action?
Nowadays, it is apparent that the world is significantly on
the
track Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
with
the
environmental issues. Some Correct article usage
apply
people
may believe that it is not their responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibility
in taking
any Change preposition
to take
actions
. Fix the agreement mistake
action
However
, in order to protect the environment, many scientists think that individuals must decrease the
energy usage in their everyday lives, Correct article usage
apply
that is
the way
in helping to lessen the negative impact.
Certainly, the majority of people
in the society in this
world is
adults. The fact Change the verb form
are
that
as Add a missing verb
is that
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
aged
, it becomes more difficult to alter the Replace the word
ages
way
they have been living. Nevertheless
, in the past, these environmental problem
were not seriously Change the determiner
problems
been
raisedUnnecessary verb
apply
up
, and Change preposition
apply
people
were not well-educated compared to these days. Additionally
, the problem are
not Verb problem
does
affected
them directly. They are still able Wrong verb form
affect
live
their lives the Add the particle
to live
way
it is.
To address and solve the problem, there are various actions that can be taken, with the government playing a pivotal role in this
solution. Firstly
, they can enact policies which made
it mandatory Wrong verb form
make
to
their citizens to consume less energy or limit Change preposition
for
the
energy usage. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, providing free educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
of
Change preposition
on
consequences
affected Correct article usage
the consequences
from
not reducing the demand Change preposition
by
of
Change preposition
for
energys
, Correct your spelling
energy
to help
raise awareness in Change the verb form
helps
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, collaboration between government and environmental organizations is also
important. By working together, these groups can combine their efforts and resources to develop comprehensive strategies.
In conclusion, some people
may not changed
the Change the verb form
change
way
they live because of
they are not aware Change preposition
apply
or
Change preposition
of or
not
yet get the direct impact of Add a missing verb
do not
the
environmental issues. Correct article usage
apply
However
, a lack of education also
stands out as a significant contributor. To tackle it, the government should actively fulfill
its role. By addressing the root causes and promoting education and support, the negative consequences will be minimized, thereby encouraging individuals to take responsibility Change the spelling
fulfil
in
protecting the environment.Change preposition
for
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Task Achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay directly addresses every aspect of the question. Each paragraph should include explicit reasons and solutions related to why individuals haven't taken action and how to encourage them. Integrating more specific examples and evidence can strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider organizing your ideas more effectively. Each paragraph should deal with a single main idea clearly stated in the first sentence, followed by supporting sentences. Use a range of cohesive devices accurately to help the reader follow the arguments.
Introduction & Conclusion
You've presented a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion, effectively outlining your stance on the issue.
Understanding of Topic
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic by addressing both why people do not take individual action and possible solutions.
Use of Examples
You've attempted to provide examples, which helps support your main points. Including more specific and varied examples can further enhance your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example