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Writing Samples
Band 4

students at school and universities learn far more from lessons with teachers than from other sources( such as internet and television). to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #school #universities #lessons #teachers #sources #internet #television
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Education is a powerful asset for a person . Education is known as a tool to shape personal
as well as
 social life .
Due to
 the rapid growth of technology, the world has come a long way . One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of people who believe pupils learn important lessons from educational institutes rather than other platforms
such
 as television , the internet and all . There is a range of conflicting arguments related to the assertion. I vehemently discord with the notion . In my point internet
as well as
 television has a great impact on children's development. In the succeeding monograph , I intend to delve into the rationale for both sides
as well as
 proffer examples to justify my notion.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples and reasons for your stance. While you have expressed your disagreement with the statement, elaborating with specific examples and further explanation would strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Organize your ideas more cohesively. Use clear paragraphing to separate your introduction, main ideas, and conclusion. This will help to improve the logical structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure your essay directly addresses the question throughout. While you've stated your disagreement, the essay would benefit from a stronger focus on how technology (Internet, TV) contributes to learning, comparing it with traditional classroom learning.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position. This helps to reinforce your argument and provides a clear ending to your essay.
Introduction
You've introduced the topic and clearly stated your stance, which is a good start for setting the direction of your essay.
Task Achievement
You acknowledged the opposite viewpoint, which is beneficial for presenting a balanced argument. Consider expanding on this by comparing and contrasting to your own viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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