The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.

The pie charts below compare water usage in San Diego, California and the rest of the world.
The figures below
water
consumption distribution in Residential, Industry and Agriculture parts in
San
Diego
,
California
and worldwide.
Overall
,
it is clear that
substantially more amount of
water
is consumed for Residential purposes in the 2 United States provinces than the world average.
In contrast
, Unlike the United States of America, most of the
water
is used in Archiculture around the world. Regarding
water
usage for agricultural matters, nearly two-thirds of the
water
sources are spent in
this
field,
while
this
figure stands as only 17% and 28% in
San
Diego
and
California
respectively. In terms of Residential and Industry categories,
San
Diego
and
California
consume 60% of their
water
in the former section,
while
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Worldwide
this
rate is only 8%.
San
Diego
is the same as the world average in terms of
water
used Industry( 23 per cent) and
California
's rate is 10 per cent higher than that.
Submitted by soroush.nezami on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, san, diego, california with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • households
  • significant
  • industrial use
  • implications
  • agriculture
  • geographical
  • climatic
  • economic factors
  • patterns
  • sustainability
  • practices
  • surprising
  • exceptionally
  • improvements
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