The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK.

#amount #time #internet #games #consoles #school #uk

The bar graph illustrates how much

time

children between 10 to 15 years old spend chatting on the Internet and playing video

games

gadgests

Correct your spelling

gadgets

on an average school day in the UK.

Overall

, it is evident that

boys

on average spend more

time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

playing

games

than

girls

whereas

girls

devote more

time

for

Change preposition

show examples

chatting than

boys

. Regarding online chatting, nearly two-thirds of

girls

use their tools for chatting

while

this

figure stands at around 55% for

boys

furthermore

, the vast majority of both genders spend 1-3 hours

for

Change preposition

show examples

it, about 25% and 35% for

boys

and

girls

respectively.

Aprroximately

Correct your spelling

Approximately

a quarter of both

genders

Change noun form

gender's

genders'

show examples

chatting

time

is less than an hour. A mere 5

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

boys

stand in the 4 hours plus range and for

girls

around

Add a missing verb

is around

show examples

4% higher than that. In terms of playing video

games

Change the noun form

game

show examples

devices, A huge gap

among

Change preposition

between

show examples

genders in

notabale

Correct your spelling

notable

While

85% of guys play video

games

daily on

averagem

Correct your spelling

average

, just above half of the

girls

do so. For

higher

Add an article

the higher

a higher

show examples

proportion of

boys

Add a comma

boys,

show examples

the

time

spent stands in

Correct article usage

the 1

show examples

-3 range whilst it is less than an hour for the other gender.

Submitted by soroush.nezami on Sat Apr 13 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words time, games, boys, girls with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

190 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

adolescents
chatting online
games consoles
average school day
time allocation
social interaction
gaming habits
internet usage
preference
daily patterns
peak times
weekdays
weekends
gender differences
trends
implications
social skills
physical health
academic performance

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The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK.

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys

In some countries it is traditional for men to work and for women to stay at home to look after the family. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

21.Some people think they have right to use as much fresh water as they want, while others believe that governments should strictly control the use of fresh water as it is limited resource. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?