IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that arts subject such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As some people emphasise the importance of academic
subjects
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, they harbour a belief that arts
subjects
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such
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 as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school
students
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, whilst others hold the reverse
viewpoints
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viewpoint
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. From my
pespective
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perspective
, I am inclined to stand with the proponents who consider
art
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subjects
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 should be included in compulsory ones for the sake of a balanced education.
Initially
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, one of the main arguments for the rejection of removing
art
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 fields from compulsory is that fostering
the
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a
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 sense of beauty is one of the vital parts
in
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of
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 education. As high school
students
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 are mature enough to build up their own thoughts, it will be necessary to provide them with basic knowledge about
art
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. Since
art
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 is unlimited and subjective, its variety will inspire
students
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'
creaton
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creativity
 and allow them to set up their own pace which is beneficial to helping pupils have a deeper understanding of themselves.
According to
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 the aforementioned, arts classes indeed play an indispensable role in one's learning journey. At the
o ther
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other
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 end of the spectrum, through
art
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 courses like painting and drawing, pupils will be able to relieve stress. They will have a stressless retreat from the
haviness
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heaviness
 of academic studies.
Althought
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Although
 some of them may not be interested in
art
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, it can be
good
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a good
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chances
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chance
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 to bridge them and
art
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 no matter what the result is.
Moreover
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,concentration on painting or drawing will bring about tranquility which can result in a positive impact on study.
Hence
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,
art
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 courses indeed have their merits on learners' learning processes.
To sum up
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,
despit
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despite
 the fact that high school
students
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 need to pay more attention
on
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to
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 academic studies, the
signiticance
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significance
 of
art
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 courses cannot be ignored.То keep a balanced learning environment,
art
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subjects
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 should not omitted from compulsory ones
due to
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 their advantages of building up the sense of beauty and maintaining
healthy
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a healthy
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 mentality.
Thus
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, educational
practioners
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practitioners
 should
hot
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not
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 underestimate the value of
art
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.

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General
Try to proofread your essay for minor spelling or grammatical errors to enhance clarity and professionalism.
Task Achievement
Providing more specific examples or citing credible sources can strengthen your argument. This adds depth and credibility to your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next. Using transitional phrases can help improve the readability and coherence of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt by taking a clear position on the importance of art subjects in high school.
Introduction/Conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are strong, clearly stating your viewpoint and summarizing your argument, which enhances the essay's coherence.
Logical Structure
You've done a good job at structuring your essay, organizing your points logically and making it easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • holistic development
  • critical thinking
  • academic focus
  • intrinsic interest
  • elective options
  • resources and time constraints
  • career aspirations
  • nurture creativity
  • distinct talents
  • extracurricular activities
  • mandatory
  • allocate
  • aptitude
  • disinterest and distraction
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