some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?
In some countries,
students
choose to study in the local area, while
in other countries the situation is the
different. Living far from home may influence their academic performance negatively,Change the article
apply
I
believe Correct word choice
but I
journey
can help them a lot
On the one hand, people who study far away have many choices when choosing universities. Correct article usage
a journey
This
helps these students
promote in
their careers, as they can pick the right college and major that aligns with their career path directly. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, a student who majors in medical science have
to possess a higher likelihood of becoming a doctor than one who holds a financial degree. Change the verb form
has
Furthermore
, the more choices mean the more opportunities in the future.
On the other hand
, these students
have to engage in daily activities independently, including making meals, washing clothes and tidying their rooms. That is
why, their life experience is enlarged rapidly. Moreover
, studying further
away enhances their ability to deal with unexpected events calmly, such
as electric or water shutdowns. Unfortunately, people studying in another city tend to suffer from some problems. For some young generations, their homesick feeling is too heavy to concentrate on their courses, leading to low scores. The other issues
may Fix the agreement mistake
issue
run
out of Wrong verb form
be running
their
energy Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
housework. Change preposition
for
For example
, spending 2 hours on the bus in order to purchase some necessary things.
In conclusion, the students
who leave their family
for education Fix the agreement mistake
families
would
get Wrong verb form
will
a
better job opportunities and a sense of independence, as long as they manage their energy reasonably.Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Submitted by Name_1234 on
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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments, enhancing the relevance and effectiveness of your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main points and your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the essay's structure by better connecting your ideas and paragraphs with transitional words and phrases, making your argumentation more fluent and easy to follow.
task achievement
You've effectively addressed both the benefits and challenges of studying away from home, making your essay balanced.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows good use of varied vocabulary relevant to the topic, contributing to clear expression of ideas.