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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s.
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The top diagram illustrates
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 of global
land
Use synonyms
deteriorate
Replace the word
deterioration
show examples
 and the table presents the percentage of
land
Use synonyms
 destruction by territory. Looking first at the pie chart,
major
Correct article usage
the major
show examples
 impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
land
Use synonyms
 degradation are: over-grazing,
deforestation
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, and
over-cultivation
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. Thirty-five
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 accounted for over-grazing; outweighing
deforestation
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 by five
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 by seven
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Moving on to
data
Correct article usage
the data
show examples
 in the table, European
land
Use synonyms
 was twenty-three
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 destroyed, mostly by
deforestation
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, North America was least destructed at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 degraded percentage of five, mainly by
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
. The minority of Oceania’s
land
Use synonyms
 was degraded by the cause of over-grazing. In conclusion, damage to farming
land
Use synonyms
 results from three main factors. The most urgent problem is over-grazing. Other key reasons are
deforestation
Use synonyms
 and
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
. European
land
Use synonyms
 degraded at the highest rate compared to other regions
such
Linking Words
 as North America and Oceania; mostly from the cause of
deforestation
Use synonyms
. Two other countries encountered
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 harm from over-grazing and
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
, respectively.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words land, deforestation, over-cultivation, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Agricultural productivity
  • Deforestation
  • Over-cultivation
  • Overgrazing
  • Soil erosion
  • Nutrient depletion
  • Land degradation
  • Soil compaction
  • Fertility
  • Preventive measures
  • Sustainable farming practices
  • Environmental impact
  • Economic implications
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