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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.

#experts #children #language #school
A number of people who know a lot about
language
 learning have the opinion that
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
other
Change the wording
another language
other languages
show examples
language
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
primary is more effective than
start
Change the verb form
starting
show examples
study
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
secondary. But there are some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of people that think that
start
Verb problem
apply
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learning
other
Change the wording
another language
other languages
show examples
language
 in secondary is more effective. First I will consider the first
view
 that learning languages at lower
school
 is better.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my
view
 start studying in lower
school
 will have more
time
 than other
students
 and some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 will have
time
 to learn the third
language
 that they want to learn.
Other
Correct quantifier usage
Another
show examples
 reason we can learn languages quicker and if we learn faster than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 we can get better
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that
language
. Second I will examine the belief that studying languages at higher
school
 is more effective. The reason is we can have more focus because secondary
students
 are more mature and listen to teachers than elementary
school
students
. The second reason we can have more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
to use
the
Correct article usage
a
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 second
language
for example
 primary
school
 will not meet foreign
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 that much but in secondary
school
 higher
students
 will have
Correct article usage
a
show examples
chance to meet foreign
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 more than lower
students
. In my own
view
, studying English at primary
school
 is better
Change preposition
than that
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
than
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 the other option. In
view
 of the fact that more
time
 is the most important factor because in order for us to be good at a
language
, we must spend
time
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
speaking frequently to become proficient. That
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
 my opinion is start studying when we are lower
students
 is better.
As
Change preposition
In
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my own story at Wichai primary
school
 we learned English
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
grade 1 to grade 9 and
move
Wrong verb form
moved
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 to Yupparaj secondary
school
 I found
this
 helped me that my English
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 better than
students
 that start at higher
school
.
However
, if the
students
 at secondary
school
 study abroad or have
a overseas friends
Correct the article-noun agreement
overseas friends
an overseas friend
show examples
 they will learn more quickly.
Submitted by nugentsr on

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Structure
Consider structuring your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This will enhance readability.
Language
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
Grammar
Remember to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve the overall flow of your writing.
Examples
Try to use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Personal anecdotes are effective, but also consider including broader, more universally applicable examples.
Content
You presented a well-balanced view by considering both perspectives before stating your own opinion, which is a key requirement for a high score in task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt at coherence and cohesion, with an effort to link ideas and paragraphs together.
Examples
Your use of personal experience as an example effectively illustrates your point and makes your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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