In the developed world avarage life expectancy is increasing in modern life. Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging-population. What problem will this causefor individuals and society.
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It is an undeniable fact that places like Japan
consists
of a population belonging to Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
age
bracket fifty to seventy. Owing to innovations, in the field of medical treatment and other Correct article usage
the age
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
care
facilities, life expectancy has spiked over the last
few decades . For some countries, like Japan and Korea, this
is a problem that needs to be addressed. The possible problem and solution in this
situation are discussed in the following paragraphs.
It is quite obvious that a nation has to go through a tremendous transition when there is a surge in life expectancy . First of all, there is a requirement for higher investment in healthcare sectors to cater to the needs of the elderly. Secondly
, more money could be spent on research and technology in the field of machinery or robots, which can assist the elderly.Additionally
, a more friendly environment should be created according to
the demands of the old people. This
friendly environment plan can help elders mobilize independently. To exemplify this
, many parks and gardens have a
separate Correct article usage
apply
pathway
for the elderly . Interestingly, many cinema halls have ramps and railings for senior citizens to move swiftly.
On the other hand, there are many problems, Fix the agreement mistake
pathways
such
as financial constraints,faced by the government in support
geriatric Wrong verb form
supporting
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
care
facilities. This
population are vulnerable to diseases like diabetes and memory loss, hence
, the government should invest a hefty amount in these concerned areas. Notably, many elderly suffer from social isolation. They are uprooted from the
family members and usually left in old age homes. Change the word
their
As a result
, they undergo severe depression and other mental disorders during their final years. For instance
, a few years ago,there was a surge in the number of suicidal deaths reported in California.Thus
, the most important requirement for the elderly is to be with their loved ones.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments for and against the rise in life expectancy rate. However
, I strongly believe that the best way to take care
of the elderly is to take care
of them with love and care
. Besides
, the government can set new measures to increase the retirement age of the
senior citizens, Correct article usage
apply
hence
, they can be financially stable.Submitted by crpnivedya.prasannan on
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lexical resource
Make sure to diversify your vocabulary to avoid repetition of words and phrases, such as 'elderly' and 'life expectancy.' Using synonyms and varied expressions can enhance the lexical resource score.
coherence & cohesion
While the essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, working on the transition between paragraphs and ideas would make the overall narrative more cohesive and fluid. Introduce clear topic sentences and follow them up with supportive statements that flow logically.
task response
To further improve on task achievement, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a specific aspect of the question posed. Using a structure that separates problem discussion and solution proposal can help achieve this clarity.
task response
Consider elaborating on examples by providing more detailed analysis of their impact or relevance to the argument you are presenting. Doing so strengthens the argumentative aspect of your essay.
task response
Your essay effectively identifies both the problems and solutions associated with an aging population, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the task.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples, such as the amenities for the elderly in parks and cinema halls, enhances the essay's arguments and supports your main points well.
coherence & cohesion
Your conclusion nicely encapsulates the main arguments presented in the essay, reiterating your stance and summarizing the suggested measures succinctly.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...