IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the developed world avarage life expectancy is increasing in modern life. Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging-population. What problem will this causefor individuals and society.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is an undeniable fact that places like Japan
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
show examples
 of a population belonging to
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 bracket fifty to seventy. Owing to innovations, in the field of medical treatment and other
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 facilities, life expectancy has spiked over the
last
Linking Words
 few decades . For some countries, like Japan and Korea,
this
Linking Words
 is a problem that needs to be addressed. The possible problem and solution in
this
Linking Words
 situation are discussed in the following paragraphs. It is quite obvious that a nation has to go through a tremendous transition when there is a surge in life expectancy . First of all, there is a requirement for higher investment in healthcare sectors to cater to the needs of the elderly.
Secondly
Linking Words
, more money could be spent on research and technology in the field of machinery or robots, which can assist the elderly.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a more friendly environment should be created
according to
Linking Words
 the demands of the old people.
This
Linking Words
 friendly environment plan can help elders mobilize independently. To exemplify
this
Linking Words
, many parks and gardens have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
separate
pathway
Fix the agreement mistake
pathways
show examples
 for the elderly . Interestingly, many cinema halls have ramps and railings for senior citizens to move swiftly. On the other hand, there are many problems,
such
Linking Words
 as financial constraints,faced by the government in
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 geriatric
health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 facilities.
This
Linking Words
 population are vulnerable to diseases like diabetes and memory loss,
hence
Linking Words
, the government should invest a hefty amount in these concerned areas. Notably, many elderly suffer from social isolation. They are uprooted from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 family members and usually left in old age homes.
As a result
Linking Words
, they undergo severe depression and other mental disorders during their final years.
For instance
Linking Words
, a few years ago,there was a surge in the number of suicidal deaths reported in California.
Thus
Linking Words
, the most important requirement for the elderly is to be with their loved ones. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments for and against the rise in life expectancy rate.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that the best way to take
care
Use synonyms
 of the elderly is to take
care
Use synonyms
 of them with love and
care
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, the government can set new measures to increase the retirement age of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior citizens,
hence
Linking Words
 , they can be financially stable.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

lexical resource
Make sure to diversify your vocabulary to avoid repetition of words and phrases, such as 'elderly' and 'life expectancy.' Using synonyms and varied expressions can enhance the lexical resource score.
coherence & cohesion
While the essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, working on the transition between paragraphs and ideas would make the overall narrative more cohesive and fluid. Introduce clear topic sentences and follow them up with supportive statements that flow logically.
task response
To further improve on task achievement, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a specific aspect of the question posed. Using a structure that separates problem discussion and solution proposal can help achieve this clarity.
task response
Consider elaborating on examples by providing more detailed analysis of their impact or relevance to the argument you are presenting. Doing so strengthens the argumentative aspect of your essay.
task response
Your essay effectively identifies both the problems and solutions associated with an aging population, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the task.
task achievement
The inclusion of specific examples, such as the amenities for the elderly in parks and cinema halls, enhances the essay's arguments and supports your main points well.
coherence & cohesion
Your conclusion nicely encapsulates the main arguments presented in the essay, reiterating your stance and summarizing the suggested measures succinctly.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • life expectancy
  • demographic scale
  • geriatric care
  • telemedicine
  • retirement age policies
  • age-friendly
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • long-term care
  • pension systems
  • economic challenges
  • social isolation
  • public infrastructure
  • adaptive measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: