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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Competitive sports have been argued to have a positive effect on child education by some, while others oppose to To what extent do you agree or disagree

#sports #effect #child #education
Sport
Change the noun form
Sports
show examples
 competitions give some perspective either positive or negative side from people for
children
's study development progress. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I decidedly agree, I will describe my reasons through
this
 essay. One of the important things that must
be develop
Change the verb form
be developed
show examples
 in
children
 is muscle
workout
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
show examples
 to enhance the
establisment
Correct your spelling
establishment
 of
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
. Some research
state
Correct subject-verb agreement
states
show examples
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
children
 under twelve years old must be active to
activated
Change the verb
activate
show examples
 their
brain
 capability because
brain
Add an article
the brain
show examples
 is connected
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 respectively.
This
studies
Change the determiner
study
show examples
 has
correlation
Add an article
a correlation
show examples
 with my experiences in the past. When I was ten years old, my father assigned me to join a dancing tuition to prepare me
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
dancing
competition
 event
hence
 until now I can feel positive
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 from my dancing exercise
such
 as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
significant thinking progress on my daily activity. Physical
competition
also
 builds
children
's creativity
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the way how to think
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 strategy to win the prize. Kids always have a high curiosity and a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 energy to achieve their purpose, particularly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terms of winning
such
 a
competition
.
For instance
, when I was six years old, I was so ambitious to win a dancing
competition
 since I could
be
Verb problem
have
show examples
 gained
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
 money.
Then
, a day before the
competition
, I prepared all of the
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 and made a unique costume to be the first one.
That is
 evidence
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
competition
 produces creativity and productivity.
To conclude
, the
reinforce
Replace the word
reinforcement
show examples
 of
human
Add an article
the human
show examples
brain
 and the development of creativity
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
key
Add an article
the key
a key
show examples
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 of how essential the role of joining
competition
Replace the word
competitive
show examples
 sports
for
Add a missing verb
is for
show examples
 kids. Parents must
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other recreational
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 outside the education formal to
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 their passion.
Submitted by damayanti.nsd on

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Introduction
Begin by presenting a clear introduction by stating your opinion clearly and outlining the main points you will discuss.
Coherence
For coherence, ensure transitions between paragraphs and ideas are smooth and logical. Phrases like 'One of the important things' and 'Physical competition also builds' help, but also adding words such as 'firstly', 'secondly', 'furthermore', can enhance readability.
Language Use
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary. To avoid repetition, synonyms and complex sentence structures can make your arguments more persuasive.
Body Paragraphs
Support your main points with clear examples or evidence. Personal experiences are effective, but also citing studies or general facts can strengthen your argument.
Conclusion
End with a strong conclusion that restates your main points and your stance. Make sure it's clear and concise, summarizing your arguments neatly.
Examples
You provided clear examples from personal experience to support your points, which makes your argument engaging and relatable.
Structure
Your structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps organize your essay and make it easy to follow.
Positioning
Your opinion was stated clearly at the beginning and effectively reinforced in the conclusion, demonstrating a consistent position throughout.

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