IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Compared to natural foods, processed foods usually cause higher
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of fluctuations in cholesterol. And among the long list, processed
sugar
Use synonyms
 is
one
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 of the main items that
researches
Replace the word
researchers
show examples
 show to have negative impacts on health, and
thus
Linking Words
, is important for
one
Use synonyms
 to cut down on
sugar
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. It is agreed that elevating the
price
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
-made products can decrease
one
Use synonyms
’s will to consume the same amount of
sugar
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.
This
Linking Words
 statement will be analyzed by bringing up the
price
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 sensibility of processed foods and how the extra profits should be used to improve
this
Linking Words
 condition.
Firstly
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, different types of groceries come with different kinds of
price
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 sensibility. For the
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 that are higher, indicating
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 slightest change in
price
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 can result in
huge
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a huge
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 difference in demand.
For example
Linking Words
, assume that my
favorite
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favourite
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 chocolate bar has increased by 2 Taiwanese dollars, and now is more expensive than other similar bars, I would prefer to buy the cheaper
one
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, because I am not willing to pay 2 more dollars just for the specific item. In
this
Linking Words
 case, I would consider
lower
Replace the word
lowering
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 the frequency of buying from two times to once per week.
Thus
Linking Words
, increasing the
price
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 can help with limiting the
sugar
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 intake from the consumer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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dimesion
Correct your spelling
dimension
.
Secondly
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, higher
price
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 means higher profits to companies. As for the enterprises that
has
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have
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benefit
Change the verb form
benefited
show examples
 from
this
Linking Words
 situation,
instead
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 of doing nothing, the extra profits should be allocated properly.
For instance
Linking Words
, making advertisements that
conveys
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convey
show examples
 the right message and concepts to
public
Add an article
the public
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. Another example could be holding activities
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 raise the awareness of
sugar
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 intake. All the actions should be either educational or avocational to influence consumers positively.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the excess amount of income should be put
into
Change preposition
to
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 good use and make
Correct article usage
an impacts
show examples
impacts
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impact
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to
Change preposition
on
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 the community.
To sum up
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,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the price
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price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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in
Change preposition
of
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 sugary products can encourage people to less
sugar
Use synonyms
consuming
Verb problem
apply
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. It is considered an effective approach result
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the high
price
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 sensitivity characteristic and the
followed up
Add a hyphen
followed-up
show examples
 actions that
improves
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improve
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 the
overall
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acknowledge
Replace the word
acknowledgement
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 towards
sugar
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is suggested that with all the
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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 taken,
Use synonyms
sugar related
Add a hyphen
sugar-related
show examples
 issues can be improved.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in the essay's tone, avoiding shifts that could confuse your reader.
Lexical Resource
Consider diversifying your vocabulary to avoid repetition and enrich your essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles to improve grammatical accuracy.
Task Response
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint to provide a strong foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples to support arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Rational progression of ideas, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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