Write about the following topic: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Compared to natural foods, processed foods usually cause higher
level
of fluctuations in cholesterol. And among the long list, processed Fix the agreement mistake
levels
sugar
is one
of the main items that researches
show to have negative impacts on health, and Replace the word
researchers
thus
, is important for one
to cut down on sugar
. It is agreed that elevating the price
of sugar
-made products can decrease one
’s will to consume the same amount of sugar
. This
statement will be analyzed by bringing up the price
sensibility of processed foods and how the extra profits should be used to improve this
condition.
Firstly
, different types of groceries come with different kinds of price
sensibility. For the one
that are higher, indicating Correct pronoun usage
ones
a
slightest change in Change the article
the
price
can result in huge
difference in demand. Add an article
a huge
For example
, assume that my favorite
chocolate bar has increased by 2 Taiwanese dollars, and now is more expensive than other similar bars, I would prefer to buy the cheaper Change the spelling
favourite
one
, because I am not willing to pay 2 more dollars just for the specific item. In this
case, I would consider lower
the frequency of buying from two times to once per week. Replace the word
lowering
Thus
, increasing the price
can help with limiting the sugar
intake from the consumer behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
dimesion
.
Correct your spelling
dimension
Secondly
, higher price
means higher profits to companies. As for the enterprises that has
Change the verb form
have
benefit
from Change the verb form
benefited
this
situation, instead
of doing nothing, the extra profits should be allocated properly. For instance
, making advertisements that conveys
the right message and concepts to Change the verb form
convey
public
. Another example could be holding activities Add an article
the public
the
raise the awareness of Correct your spelling
that
sugar
intake. All the actions should be either educational or avocational to influence consumers positively. Therefore
, the excess amount of income should be put into
good use and make Change preposition
to
Correct article usage
an impacts
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
to
the community.
Change preposition
on
To sum up
, increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
Correct article usage
the price
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
in
sugary products can encourage people to less Change preposition
of
sugar
consuming
. It is considered an effective approach result Verb problem
apply
from
the high Change preposition
of
price
sensitivity characteristic and the followed up
actions that Add a hyphen
followed-up
improves
the Change the verb form
improve
overall
acknowledge
towards Replace the word
acknowledgement
sugar
. Moreover
, it is suggested that with all the action
taken, Fix the agreement mistake
actions
sugar related
issues can be improved.Add a hyphen
sugar-related
Submitted by lil40629890 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in the essay's tone, avoiding shifts that could confuse your reader.
Lexical Resource
Consider diversifying your vocabulary to avoid repetition and enrich your essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles to improve grammatical accuracy.
Task Response
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint to provide a strong foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples to support arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Rational progression of ideas, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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