Write about the following topic: Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Compared to natural foods, processed foods usually cause higher
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
of fluctuations in cholesterol. And among the long list, processed
sugar
is
one
of the main items that
researches
Replace the word
researchers
show examples
show to have negative impacts on health, and
thus
, is important for
one
to cut down on
sugar
. It is agreed that elevating the
price
of
sugar
-made products can decrease
one
’s will to consume the same amount of
sugar
.
This
statement will be analyzed by bringing up the
price
sensibility of processed foods and how the extra profits should be used to improve
this
condition.
Firstly
, different types of groceries come with different kinds of
price
sensibility. For the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
that are higher, indicating
a
Change the article
the
show examples
slightest change in
price
can result in
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
difference in demand.
For example
, assume that my
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
chocolate bar has increased by 2 Taiwanese dollars, and now is more expensive than other similar bars, I would prefer to buy the cheaper
one
, because I am not willing to pay 2 more dollars just for the specific item. In
this
case, I would consider
lower
Replace the word
lowering
show examples
the frequency of buying from two times to once per week.
Thus
, increasing the
price
can help with limiting the
sugar
intake from the consumer
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
dimesion
Correct your spelling
dimension
.
Secondly
, higher
price
means higher profits to companies. As for the enterprises that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
benefit
Change the verb form
benefited
show examples
from
this
situation,
instead
of doing nothing, the extra profits should be allocated properly.
For instance
, making advertisements that
conveys
Change the verb form
convey
show examples
the right message and concepts to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
. Another example could be holding activities
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
raise the awareness of
sugar
intake. All the actions should be either educational or avocational to influence consumers positively.
Therefore
, the excess amount of income should be put
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
good use and make
Correct article usage
an impacts
show examples
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the community.
To sum up
,
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
Correct article usage
the price
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
sugary products can encourage people to less
sugar
consuming
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. It is considered an effective approach result
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the high
price
sensitivity characteristic and the
followed up
Add a hyphen
followed-up
show examples
actions that
improves
Change the verb form
improve
show examples
the
overall
acknowledge
Replace the word
acknowledgement
show examples
towards
sugar
.
Moreover
, it is suggested that with all the
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
taken,
sugar related
Add a hyphen
sugar-related
show examples
issues can be improved.
Submitted by lil40629890 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Try to maintain consistency in the essay's tone, avoiding shifts that could confuse your reader.
Lexical Resource
Consider diversifying your vocabulary to avoid repetition and enrich your essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles to improve grammatical accuracy.
Task Response
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint to provide a strong foundation for your argument.
Task Achievement
Effective use of examples to support arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Good structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Rational progression of ideas, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: