Nowadays, we are living on an earth where technology is well-developed and it brings huge changes in the lifestyle of young people they spend most of their time in the range of internet games and watching various TV programs.

#earth #technology #changes #lifestyle #people #time #range #internet #games #tv #programs

Nowadays, we are living on an earth where technology is well-developed and it brings huge changes in the lifestyle of young people they spend most of their

time

the

Correct article usage

show examples

range of internet

games

and watching various TV programs. From my point of view, it has a detrimental effect on their health

as well as

upbringing. At the present

time

, many

children

learn various subjects that explore even more other things in the future. They study a lot and need free

time

to relax and unwind to stay healthy.

Therefore

, they want to play

games

like the other

children

and watch TV shows in their free

time

and it helps them to get the information the most easily.

In addition

, one of the new technologies is

Correct article usage

the

show examples

mobile phone, nowadays it is very popular among

children

and it is convenient for them to bring it everywhere. Many

children

prefer to use it rather than book it has any kind of features which helps them to get many pieces of information easily. Because, bringing books is not comfortable,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

the telephone is very easy to bring anywhere and they can search for all kinds of information via

Internet

Add an article

the Internet

show examples

However

, despite the beneficial aspects, there are

also

drawbacks. Some

children

spend most of their

time

on gadgets like phones, laptops and televisions. They are very harmful to their health. All of them have the noxious effects of strong screen light and it can affect

bad

Change the adjective

badly

show examples

to their eyes. When they watch more TV or laptop, their eyes get tired from the bright light of the screen.

Furthermore

, young individuals can watch bad videos that are hazardous to their upbringing and education, because these videos will have bad effects and

children

will not be able to stop watching

such

videos.

As a result

, they will become uninterested in learning and will not concentrate on their studies.

For instance

, numerous young individuals became slaves to bad

games

and it was difficult for them to get tired of

such

games

because

such

games

deceived

children

and began to control them. the managers of the game gave various bad tasks for the

children

to do and

subsequently

this

did not lead to a good ending. In conclusion,

although

it brings many changes that have both positive and negative impacts on the life of kids I think the weightage of drawbacks is more than the pros.

Submitted by ieltsielts81 on Sun Apr 14 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion

Try to vary your sentence structures to include more complex forms. This can add variety and sophistication to your writing.

Coherence & Cohesion

Consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly around central ideas, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows logically from the one before.

Task Achievement

It would be beneficial to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, particularly in discussing the negative impacts of technology.

General

Pay close attention to your grammar and punctuation to avoid small errors, as improving these can significantly enhance the overall quality of your essay.

Task Achievement

You've done a good job of addressing the topic and presenting a clear viewpoint on the issue.

Coherence & Cohesion

You successfully outlined both the positive and negative aspects of technology's influence, showing an ability to engage with the topic critically.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

399 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some think increasing business and cultural contact between nations is positive. Others think it leads to the disappearance of the national identity. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.
While a faction of population holds the notion that business and cultural mingling between the countries leads to loose individual identity of nations, others argue that it will not affect the identity of the country. This essay will delve into both viewpoints and explain my support for the latter view with relevant illustrations.
4
band
Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programes. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that voluntary activities should be included in high school programes. This essay completely agrees with this statement. Voluntary services in high school have a positive impact in students in their social skills as well as in their personal improvement.
5.5
band
Public celebrations (such as national days, festivals etc) are held in most countries. These are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things. Do you agree or disagree?
Public celebrations, which are generally quite expensive, are held in almost all the countries. Some people propose that the Government should put this money on the tasks which are far more essential. I totally agree with this approach as this can improve both the efforts such as education and transportation of the country.
5
band
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, in a great number of places across the world, there is a continuous exodus of people from the countryside to cities, which results in the decline of the rural population. From my perspective, this phenomenon is worth worrying for the reason that it can have lots of negative impacts on human beings.
6.5
band
A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?
Nowadays urbanization in the cities is rising and rising because more and more crowd are moving to the centre and it can open to the many ways to increase their career way and so that they move to the city but it is also important to know that the countryside too important in the system of the republic and I try to explain it in my essay.

Nowadays, we are living on an earth where technology is well-developed and it brings huge changes in the lifestyle of young people they spend most of their time in the range of internet games and watching various TV programs.

Your opinion

Some think increasing business and cultural contact between nations is positive. Others think it leads to the disappearance of the national identity. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programes. Do you agree or disagree?

Public celebrations (such as national days, festivals etc) are held in most countries. These are often quite expensive and some people say that governments should spend money on more useful things. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?