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Band 4.5

It is better for young people to get advice from old people than young ones. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #advice #ones
Nowadays a number of
people
 are becoming concerned about some individuals claiming that
workers
 should wear uniforms. There are two diametrically opposed opinions on the matter. Some
people
 assert that nowadays they
work
 in large enterprises.
Workers
 are given a special form by the workshop, making it easier for
people
 nowadays they
work
 in large enterprises.
Workers
 are given a special form by the workshop, making it easier for
people
 to
work
. The first and foremost thing
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that some
people
 feel is that special forms protect the
workers
 and make it easier for them. Special
clothes
 are sewn up by enterprise sewers and updated in their special formats each month.
On the other hand
, it is
also
 possible to mention that these days,
workers
 refuse to wear corporate
clothes
 because the colour and appearance of firms are very rough but convenient to
work
, but forced to wear special
clothes
 because these
clothes
 protect a person from danger. To summarize all the given information va and opinions, my own opinion is that there is truth in both views.
However
, even though some individuals feel that they must wear special uniforms, I contend with the opposing viewpoint.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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Structure
Your essay has presented some arguments and counterarguments regarding the necessity of wearing uniforms at work. However, ensuring a more structured division between paragraphs and distinct presentation of your personal viewpoint would enhance clarity and coherence.
Content
To improve task achievement, ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. Also, substantiate your arguments with more precise examples and clearly state your position in the conclusion.
Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, using a variety of linking words and phrases could enhance the logical flow of your ideas. Also, try to avoid repetition and aim for more paragraph unity around single ideas for clarity.
Engagement
You have engaged with the topic and attempted to present both sides of the argument, which shows an effort to address the task's requirements.
Personal Opinion
Your willingness to express a personal opinion shows an attempt to fulfill the task achievement criteria.
Vocabulary
Use of specialized vocabulary related to the topic, such as "corporate clothes," enhances your essay's relevance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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