Some people think that some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy are too difficult for children to learn at school. They think that these subjects should be made optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
period of technology, there is an idea floating in the
society that some subjects Correct article usage
apply
such
as arithmetic and ideology are too hard for students to learn at an educational institution. Although
these two choices are very important in someone's life
, still the masses think that there should be choice
for kids if they want to study them at school. In my opinion, I strongly agree with Fix the agreement mistake
choices
this
notion because these subjects play an inevitable role in human being's life
.
I firmly believe that in our everyday life
we do Add a comma
life,
alot
of calculations Correct your spelling
a lot
especially
at work or when we buy something. In our daily routine, we allocate time to every task and it is not possible to make it if don't have knowledge of computation. Add the comma(s)
, especially
For instance
, every businessmen
works on financial management before starting Change to a singular noun
businessman
the
business and as like as the habitants Correct article usage
a
also
plan their budget before making any decision in their life
. It is not possible to prepare these financial statements without the apprehension of calculus. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
As a result
, it is evident that there is no survival without these numbers.
Explaining some of the another supporting points
in favour of Replace the adjective
another supporting point
other supporting points
this
statement, it is true that philosophy teaches them how to survive in this
world. Furthermore
, studying this
subject helps students to think more widely, carefully and clearly about a topic. It will help them to learn new life
skills so it is a fruitful chapter. If these two parts will be
optional in Wrong verb form
are
study
, some students might not choose them Add an article
the study
due to
the level of difficulty and in turn, they will miss the
employment opportunities in the future. Correct article usage
apply
As a consequence
, making them optional might lead to a lack of exposure to critical thinking and problem-solving skills among scholars.
In conclusion, the notion of choice in these mandatory options will create disparities in knowledge and skills among tutees. Instead
of that institute
should design their curriculum Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
according to
the level of student's abilities so that they are not scared of complex questions.Submitted by kaurv083 on
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Language Accuracy
Consider revising small inaccuracies in language use, especially with terms like 'arithmetic' and 'ideology' which are more accurately 'mathematics' and 'philosophy'.
Cohesion
Enhance cohesion by more effectively linking your paragraphs and ideas with a variety of transition words and phrases.
Specific Examples
To strengthen your argument, include more diverse and specific examples that illustrate the importance of mathematics and philosophy in everyday life and decision-making processes.
Introduction
Your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint, which directly addresses the essay prompt.
Logical Structure
You provided a logical progression of ideas, which made your argument easy to follow.
Relevant Examples
Using practical examples in both mathematics and philosophy demonstrates your attempt to connect these subjects to real-life applications.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example