As the world has become technologically advanced, computer are replacing more and more jobs that maybe lose because of computer. Discuss at least one problem that may result.

Due to
the rapid growth of technology , the with has come a long way
therefore
the lifestyle of people has changed a lot in the
last
few years .it is irrefutable that
computer
Change the article
the computer
show examples
is one of the best
invention
Change to a plural noun
inventions
show examples
of all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time . In the midst of change,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
an integral part of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There is a range of conflicting arguments related to
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
pros and cons. A colossal number of people claim that in
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
scenario
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
replacing jobs that used to be done by human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
This
assertion seems pretty serious across the globe. In the succeeding monograph, the main agenda is not only
shed
Fix the infinitive
to shed
show examples
light on the setbacks
as well as
elucidate possible remedies to curb
this
matter.
Submitted by shyamal017 on

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Structure
Keep a clear introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. Your essay introduced the topic but did not clearly outline the aspects you would discuss or conclude your arguments.
Development
Focus on developing one or two clear problems resulting from computers replacing jobs, and support these with specific examples or further explanation.
Organization
Improve paragraphing by dedicating separate paragraphs to different ideas for better organization and readability.
Cohesion
Review and use a range of linking words to better connect your ideas and sentences (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'However,' 'Consequently').
Grammar
Correct grammatical errors and aim for accuracy in your sentences. Practice using complex sentence structures accurately.
Topic relevance
You've introduced an important and relevant topic regarding technology's impact on employment.
Engagement with Topic
Your enthusiasm and recognition of the importance of computers in modern life are clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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