IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

creative artists should always be given the freedom express their own ideas (in word, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. there should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#artists #freedom #word #pictures #music #film #government #restrictions
Some people argue the space for creating
uniqe
Correct your spelling
unique
 ideas should always be provided to
content
 creators which
shall
Verb problem
should
show examples
 never be limited by any
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 officials. To a large
extent
Add a comma
extent,
show examples
 I disagree with
this
 statement as there would be
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact from
art
 towards youngsters.
Government
Add an article
The government
show examples
 would like to
censored
Change the verb
censor
show examples
 some
art
 that could spread hate or anger.
However
, the line between appropriate and offensive is blurry and mainly set up by the
government
. Creators wouldn't know whether their
art
 is offensive or not. So creators would be afraid their
content
 getting
ban
Wrong verb form
banned
show examples
hence
ruin
Wrong verb form
ruining
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. Yet some of the
artist
Change to a plural noun
artists
show examples
 didn't care about the restrictions and
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 creations that
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 famous because of their messages fighting against the
government
.
For example
,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 would prohibit the showcase of the artwork as it is violating national security policy, but they are widely promoted in the world. Some artworks even become landmarks for tourists as they show the
rebellence
Correct your spelling
rebellion
 from the people.
Nonetheless
, I believe the
art
 creation has to be monitored as
it s
Correct your spelling
it's
 dangerous to let out unfiltered
art
 to the public. Some
art
 could be
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sexual or
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 would pose a negative impact on children or
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
. Without certain approval before releasing
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
content
, may influence their mindset and
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For example
, we can imagine the damage done to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society if pornography is commonly spread among youngsters. It would input incorrect knowledge on them and even worse some would imitate the actions. Sexual crime could be committed by younglings if they are not educated in the right way. In conclusion,
content
 creation should be monitored by policies as the damage from uncensored messages dealt to
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation would be detrimental.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay maintains a clear structure with an effective introduction, development of ideas, and conclusion. However, to enhance clarity, consider using more varied transitional phrases to link ideas more smoothly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider expanding your range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your arguments more persuasively. This would also help in expressing complex ideas more clearly and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Task Achievement
For an even stronger response, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is fully developed with clear explanations, examples, and analysis. This will help in maintaining a logical flow and in making your arguments more convincing.
General
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and typos to enhance its overall readability and professionalism. Paying attention to detail will also contribute positively to the impressions you make on your readers.
Task Achievement
You effectively present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument before stating your own position. This illustrates a good understanding of the task requirements and contributes to a well-rounded essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and clearly states your standpoint, reinforcing the arguments made in the body of your essay. This strengthens the overall coherence and cohesive quality of your work.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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