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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse- gas emission which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse- gas emission which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The first pie chart shows the average Australian household
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption. The following describes greenhouse gas emissions
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 use.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 heating occupies most of the two graphs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in the first
graph
Use synonyms
, cooling and lightning consume the least amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 when lightning is twice as much as cooling.
Similarly
Linking Words
, in the second
graph
Use synonyms
, both of these factors are minimal, but the
lightning
Correct your spelling
lighting
show examples
 is almost three times greater than the cooling.
First,
Linking Words
on the
graph
Use synonyms
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption, heating is slightly more than water heating, so they are used the most.
In addition
Linking Words
, cooling uses six times less
energy
Use synonyms
 than heating.
Also
Linking Words
, water heating
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption is twice that of other types of equipment.
Second,
Linking Words
heating water is a heating layer in the greenhouse gas emissions
graph
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the emissions of other appliances are twice as high as those of refrigeration.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, graph with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 5 times.
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