IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Developing countries require help offered by international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aid is important. Others believe that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is required for global
organizations
Use synonyms
 to assist poor nations to guarantee
a
Remove the article
apply
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sustainable and healthy growth. It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
organizations
Use synonyms
 should provide monetary assistance;
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 claim that giving suggestions and practical
aid
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial.
This
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 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own belief
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
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 matter. Proponents agree that providing finance to support the needs of developing countries is beneficial
in
Change preposition
for
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 several reasons. Chief among these is that children, who live in poverty, need
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
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 in order to have food or water to survive so that they would not be starving or thirsty.
For example
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, in India, every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 given
financially supported
Replace the word
financial support
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 by UNESCO and
this
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 group want to fully fund them in order to help them with their health conditions. Another reason is that several poor people may not have a shelter to live in
due to
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 a lack of money.
As a result
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 of
this
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, worldwide
organizations
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 decide to
aid
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 them by giving them some money so that they would have an
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 to settle in like a house.
Due to
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an
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apply
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accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
, they may not have to worry that they will be cold outside and they have an air conditioner to help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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warm themselves.
However
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, opponents firmly believe that practical
aid
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 and
advice
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 are more advantageous
in
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for
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 a handful of purposes.
Firstly
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,
organizations
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 in other countries may work together to support a country like India to deal with an environment.
For
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this
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 reason, India is more likely to
has
Wrong verb form
have
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an
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apply
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air pollution; which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in
sickness
Add an article
the sickness
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of
Change preposition
among
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 some Indian residents. In order to solve
this
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, UNESCO and other universal
organizations
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 must work together to reduce
a
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the
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 number of
car
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cars
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 or motorcycles.
Secondly
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, because most poor nations do not have a hospital, people may not be able to cure their fever or cough.
Consequently
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, the
organizations
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 have to encourage
Correct article usage
the
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governments of these nations to build a hospital by giving
a valuable
Remove the article
valuable advice
a piece of valuable advice
a bit of valuable advice
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advice
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. In conclusion, the majority of people have different opinions on whether financial assistance is
essential
Correct quantifier usage
more essential
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 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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practical support and
advice
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. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur that practice
aid
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 and
advice
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more critical.

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Task Achievement and Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly related to the question. Include examples that are relevant and support your argument well.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, however, therefore) to structure your essay more clearly and make the progression of ideas smoother.
Task Achievement
Develop your examples further to clearly link them back to the main point being discussed. This will strengthen your argument and make your position more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. This can also help in clearly conveying your points.
General Advice
Revise grammar and punctuation to avoid small inaccuracies. Even minor errors can distract from the quality of your argument.
Structure
You have done well in presenting both views before stating your own opinion, which is a good structure for a balanced argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarises your opinion and the reasons behind it, showing a good understanding of the task requirement.
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