IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Developing countries require help offered by international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aid is important. Others believe that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #organizations #development #people #aid #advice
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It is required for global
organizations
 to assist poor nations to guarantee
a
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apply
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sustainable and healthy growth. It is true that
the
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apply
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organizations
 should provide monetary assistance;
while
other
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others
show examples
 claim that giving suggestions and practical
aid
 are more beneficial.
This
 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own belief
of
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in
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this
 matter. Proponents agree that providing finance to support the needs of developing countries is beneficial
in
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for
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 several reasons. Chief among these is that children, who live in poverty, need
donation
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donations
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 in order to have food or water to survive so that they would not be starving or thirsty.
For example
, in India, every
children
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child
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are
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is
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 given
financially supported
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financial support
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 by UNESCO and
this
 group want to fully fund them in order to help them with their health conditions. Another reason is that several poor people may not have a shelter to live in
due to
 a lack of money.
As a result
 of
this
, worldwide
organizations
 decide to
aid
 them by giving them some money so that they would have an
accomodation
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accommodation
 to settle in like a house.
Due to
an
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apply
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accomodation
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accommodation
, they may not have to worry that they will be cold outside and they have an air conditioner to help them
to
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apply
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warm themselves.
However
, opponents firmly believe that practical
aid
 and
advice
 are more advantageous
in
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for
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 a handful of purposes.
Firstly
,
organizations
 in other countries may work together to support a country like India to deal with an environment.
For
this
 reason, India is more likely to
has
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have
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an
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apply
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air pollution; which
result
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results
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 in
sickness
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the sickness
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of
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among
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 some Indian residents. In order to solve
this
, UNESCO and other universal
organizations
 must work together to reduce
a
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the
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 number of
car
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cars
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 or motorcycles.
Secondly
, because most poor nations do not have a hospital, people may not be able to cure their fever or cough.
Consequently
, the
organizations
 have to encourage
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the
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governments of these nations to build a hospital by giving
a valuable
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valuable advice
a piece of valuable advice
a bit of valuable advice
show examples
advice
. In conclusion, the majority of people have different opinions on whether financial assistance is
essential
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more essential
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 than
the
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apply
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practical support and
advice
. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly concur that practice
aid
 and
advice
is
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are
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 more critical.
Submitted by trannhatthienthien95 on

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Task Achievement and Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is directly related to the question. Include examples that are relevant and support your argument well.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, however, therefore) to structure your essay more clearly and make the progression of ideas smoother.
Task Achievement
Develop your examples further to clearly link them back to the main point being discussed. This will strengthen your argument and make your position more convincing.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. This can also help in clearly conveying your points.
General Advice
Revise grammar and punctuation to avoid small inaccuracies. Even minor errors can distract from the quality of your argument.
Structure
You have done well in presenting both views before stating your own opinion, which is a good structure for a balanced argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarises your opinion and the reasons behind it, showing a good understanding of the task requirement.
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