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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and repeating the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with prediction for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and repeating the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #prediction #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line graph below
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 about the current
population
Use synonyms
 in the percentages from 1970 to 2020 and with
prediction
Fix the agreement mistake
predictions
show examples
 for 2030 and 2040 in four Asian countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 line graph, the noticeable percentage changes occurred
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Malaysia and Indonesia of the total
population
Use synonyms
 living in cities with prediction in several decades.The Philippines and Thailand countries
also
Linking Words
 gained good surpass , but patterns
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
showed
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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 total percentage than the previous two
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
. On the one hand , Malaysia in the first decade showed a stable
population
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 30% and after 10
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
 in
1990
Add a comma
1990,
show examples
 the
population
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 country increased above
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
40%
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
from 1990 to 2040 the total proportion patterns with prediction surpassed
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
80%.Indonesia from 1970 to 2040 displayed
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 pattern changing as Malaysia with less
20
Change preposition
than 20
show examples
 %
proportion
Fix the agreement mistake
proportions
show examples
10
Change preposition
of 10
show examples
 % and 60 %.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,in 1970 the total
population
Use synonyms
 in the Philippines
showed
Verb problem
was
show examples
 30 % and
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2010
this
Linking Words
 country's figures indicate
Correct article usage
a fluctuate
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fluctuate
Wrong verb form
fluctuating
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 trend.In 2010 and 2040 with
expectation
Add an article
the expectation
an expectation
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 of
Correct article usage
a rise
show examples
rise
Add a comma
rise,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 pattern in
this
Linking Words
 graph reached from 40% to 50%.
Lastly
Linking Words
 , Thailand
also
Linking Words
 experienced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increasing
population
Use synonyms
 figures in 1970 and 1990 from 20 % to nearly 30 %.
then
Linking Words
 after 3 decades remained in a steady line with 30 %.Afterwards, in Thailand
population
Use synonyms
 growth
predicted
Add a missing verb
is predicted
show examples
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2040 reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
50%.
Submitted by dilmurodmingishov on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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