IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. why is this happening? do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

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In order to solve
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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certain problems in
the
Correct article usage
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society, lots of nations are spending a large amount of money on up-to-date devices.
This
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 definitely comes from the noticeable convenience of technology and is completely worth paying
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 budget on
due to
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 the fact that it is extremely essential for long-term benefits. There are more and more technologies applied in humans’ daily activities because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 convenience
as well as
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 efficiency.
In other words
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, people can deal with their own issues more easily which involve automation of tasks, digitization of records, and implementation of data analytics to optimize decision-making.
For instance
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, nowadays, there are few companies
such
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 as Vinfast or Toyota, which are going to produce automatic cars in order to satisfy users’ demand in the aspects of reducing rates of accidents and fossil fuels. In
this
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 globalization era, technology gradually plays a pivotal role in the public
due to
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 its advantages
in
Change preposition
over
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 a long period. There is no doubt that everything in
this
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 society
tend
Change the verb form
tends
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 to become automated;
therefore
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, governments all over the world must apply these kinds of modern techniques to ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
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scalability, interoperability, and adaptability to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future needs.
As a consequence
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, it is significantly worth investing
on
Change preposition
in
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 the promotion of high-tech. Take solar panels
for example
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, people only need to spend a certain value of budget on
this
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 equipment, and they can exploit
as well
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as
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to
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 store natural energy
in
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for
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 many years
after
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apply
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without paying any electric bills
as well as
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 reduce pollution released from fossil fuel. In conclusion, technology gradually become crucial in daily life.
As a result
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, investment
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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high-tech
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 noticeably suitable in
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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recent decades
due to
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 its positive sides.

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sentence structure
Work on varying sentence structures to avoid repetition and make your arguments more engaging.
supporting details
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. While the examples given are relevant, additional details could further strengthen your argument.
addressing prompt
Aim to address the prompt more directly by specifically explaining why governments are investing in technology and directly stating whether you believe it is an appropriate use of funds.
logical structure
You've done well to create a logical structure that guides the reader through your argument effectively.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, rounding off your essay nicely and reflecting back on the topic.
examples
The examples provided (Vinfast, Toyota, and solar panels) are excellent for illustrating your point about the importance and benefits of investment in technology.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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