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Band 2

In many governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

#governments #technology #government #money
More and more money is being poured into developing Deepfake technology and any related ones that can edit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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real images, or videos in a negative way.
This
 perhaps
require
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requires
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 any
organisations
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organisation
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 owning
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 amount of money to be carried out, no less than the government. The writer will shed light on the reasons behind these investments and clarify his
disapprove
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disapproval
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on
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of
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this
 use of money. Given the advances in science and technology, the world has differed so much from it used to be in the past few centuries.
While
 there are more breakthroughs and upgraded versions of extensions supporting
human’s
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human
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 life, the same is true for crimes. To be more specific, a myriad of videos containing violent
contents
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content
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 still persists
in
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on
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 several Internet platforms without censorship, which is intentionally
be
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apply
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edited with unreal images or re-recording in an attempt to convey negative thoughts. These forms of untrue information are mainly absorbed by low-awareness residents, who account for over the half population of any
countries
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country
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, even developed
one
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ones
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 like the USA. Vague contents as
these information source
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this information source
these information sources
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 may have, the
consequence
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consequences
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 they cause
is
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are
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 much more destructive than people
thinks
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think
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.
Submitted by zky1705202 on

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Task Achievement
Consider expanding your essay to fully address both the reasons for government investment in new technology and your opinion on the appropriateness of this use of government funds. You have introduced relevant points, but more detailed explanations and examples would enhance your task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure you have a clear introduction, development, and conclusion structure. Each part plays a critical role in guiding the reader through your arguments and opinions. While your essay begins with a promising theme, providing a clearer separation and development between paragraphs would strengthen your coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
When giving examples or discussing reasons, make sure they are directly relevant to the question's focus. The essay started to discuss the negative uses of Deepfake technology, which is interesting, but ensure that every point directly ties back to why governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public and whether this is an effective use of funds. This precision will enhance the relevance of your examples and the clarity of your overall argument.
Topic Relevance
You have chosen a contemporary and relevant topic (Deepfake technology) to discuss, which shows an awareness of current issues and technologies.
Critical Thinking
Your essay indicates a good level of critical thinking by connecting technological advancements to societal impacts, demonstrating your ability to discuss complex issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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