IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think is an appropriate use of government money?

#countries #governments #technology #government #money
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Nowadays, several authorities tend to spend more
money
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in
Change preposition
on
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 modern technology to solve social problems. From
this
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 author's perspective,
this
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 situation has an origin from the superiority of controlling and limiting objections. In light of
this
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, I
content
Correct your spelling
contend
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this
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 is a beneficial use of
government
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money
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. There is an undeniable point that modern
technologies
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such
Linking Words
 as AI or virtual assistants can help
governments
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 deal with the public. To explain, with the support from the ability
of controlling
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to control
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 residents of
technologies
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, some official agencies can know which problems can happen like revolutions or rebellions and find a way to solve
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
them
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.
Moreover
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,
technologies
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 like security cameras on the road can be used to find some dangerous individuals like armed
crimes
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criminals
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 in the earliest way helping the
authority
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authorities
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 minimize the damage
for
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to
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 society. In terms of social life,
governments
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 can control residents'
life
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lives
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 in order to realise
which
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 they need to improve in their implements.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
government
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 can limit the social problems caused by the people 's
dissatisfactions
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dissatisfaction
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. In terms of the value of investing in
technologies
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, it would be worthwhile to the
government
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. Obviously, because of the superiority in the quality of managing society compared to human beings,
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government
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the government
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 can spend more
money
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in
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on
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 improving
technologies
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instead
Linking Words
 of using
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money
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the money
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 for employing workers which can be a waste of
money
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 in
the
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apply
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comparison
of
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to
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benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 authorities can have. What is more,
governments
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 not just apply technological innovations in
socially
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social
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 fields, they can use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in distinctive categories
such
Linking Words
 as medicine or industry.
Thus
Linking Words
, investment in technology would be a suitable decision. In conclusion, the authority to invest in developing
technologies
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Linking Words
due
Add a missing verb
is due
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 to
Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
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socially effective management
and
Correct word choice
apply
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Correct pronoun usage
apply
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it
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apply
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would be an appropriate use of
governments
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 with
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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worthwhile value.
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Example Use
Consider providing more concrete examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Thesis Statement
Work on developing a stronger thesis statement in your introduction. Clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss.
Paragraph Structure
Organize your paragraphs more effectively by ensuring each one focuses on a single idea or argument. Use transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Grammar & Accuracy
Be sure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and typos. These can detract from the overall professionalism of your writing.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses both parts of the question, providing a detailed analysis of why governments invest in technology and its appropriateness.
Language Use
You display a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures throughout your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital transformation
  • service delivery
  • transparency
  • accountability
  • tech-savvy
  • contemporary lifestyle
  • public satisfaction
  • data management
  • smart city technologies
  • predictive policing
  • data privacy
  • digital divide
  • inclusivity
  • governance
  • infrastructure
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