IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

n many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

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At the present age, technology is being invested in by the national government to handle the public. The author of
this
Linking Words
 essay believes that
this
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 is occurring
due to
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 the need. of finding effective approaches and
this
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 government spending is reasonable owing to increasing knowledge and
productivity
Use synonyms
. It is acknowledged that governments' motives for spending on technological advancement are to augment efficiency.
This
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 is because administrations f s may have the ability to broaden the scope for smarter, more productive, and more collaborative approaches.
As a result
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, problems can be solved and
productivity
Use synonyms
 can be enhanced.
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
show examples
,
for instance
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, gives governments
further
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 motivation for policies,
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
 health treatments and
strengthen
Wrong verb form
strengthening
show examples
 the national economy. It is vital to understand that investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technological devices is beneficial to humans Individuals have chances to upgrade
gbbel
Correct your spelling
their
 stock of
browledge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
,
nations
Correct word choice
and nations
show examples
 can be equipped with technological tools to scale up
productivity
Use synonyms
 As
aconsequend
Correct your spelling
consequent
consequence
, countries can have a chance to enrol
Correct your spelling
in a national
international
Change preposition
in inanational
show examples
inanational
Correct your spelling
international
 competition with one another to prove that they are a developed country Take Viet Nam as an example
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 provides high-tech devices in every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
 to enhance
productivity
Use synonyms
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
 everything
has
Correct pronoun usage
that has
show examples
 been illustrated, more effective approaches
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a direct consequence of spending on
Use synonyms
productivity
Add an article
the productivity
show examples
 of
nations
Change noun form
nations'
nation's
show examples
 technology. can be developed

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task achievement
Ensure clearer and more direct responses to both parts of the question. While your stance is somewhat clear, directly addressing 'why' this spending is happening and 'if it is appropriate' with specific details could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence of your essay by organizing your ideas more clearly. Introduce each paragraph with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Avoid using overly complicated sentences that might make your points difficult to follow. Simplicity and clarity are key to conveying your message effectively.
task achievement
You've successfully outlined the benefits of government investment in technology, using relevant examples such as the response to Covid-19 and references to Vietnam.
coherence cohesion
You provided a conclusion that wraps up your essay's main idea, showing a good structure in presenting your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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